Tightrope: Looking for gratitude in all the wrong places

— -- Hi Gladys, I do all kinds of wonderful things for my employees, but I don't think they appreciate my generosity. In addition to decent pay, I give holiday gift baskets, I often take them to dinner and I always buy meals when we work late. These perks cost money. Is it asking too much to expect them to show me that they appreciate my efforts? — C.J.

I'm not sure how you want them to display their appreciation. But, it's a new day and you need to find out if your employees consider your gifts something to be grateful for. While you are at it, you can ask them what they would like from you that would allow them to show appreciation for your generosity.

Rewarding folks for a job well done or offering to buy dinner for employees who work late is a nice gesture. However, your employees might have a better appreciation for the kind of compensation that benefits their lifestyles.

Consider allowing a late-working staff member to buy his or her own meal and offer a day off instead; or perhaps give that staffer the option of coming in later for a couple of days.

I recall speaking with a young woman who worked in a doctor's office. What he called a "perk" was taking the office staff to a gambling casino for dinner twice a year. He gave each employee $25 to gamble with. The woman told me she felt she had to attend these events to not upset the doctor. But those nights out cost her more than $25 just to hire a sitter for her children.

When she told the doctor how his perk wasn't working for her, he told her she was ungrateful. He went on to tell her that if she played her cards right at the casino the $25 could turn into $2,500. And he wouldn't expect any of her winnings to be returned to him. Imagine that!

Another incident happened when I was invited to deliver a keynote for a corporation's annual conference. The night before the event, the chairman of the board had a dinner for the speakers. Senior staff members were invited and were expected to attend. The CEO considered this to be a perk. He mentioned several times during the evening that his staff felt honored to be invited to dine with authors and speakers they had read about.

I sat next to one of the staff members. During our conversation he told me he was missing his daughter's seventh birthday party, and he appeared to be distressed about it.

I asked him why he had not declined the invitation to dinner. He said his boss considered attendance a benefit for senior staff.

Finally, one last story: One of my friends had an employee who was about to get married. The employee was a key person in the company and my friend felt she would get her the best that money could buy. So she had an expensive memory album made for the girl. The album had all the trappings of opulence; it was made with antique paper, engraved with a sentiment including the bride's and groom's initials and trimmed in 24-karat gold.

My friend said she overheard the girl tell another staff member that she had no idea what to do with the album and she would have appreciated a gift that was more practical, like the dishes or towels on her bridal registry.

My point is that what you consider a perk or benefit can be considered an imposition by your staff members. There is nothing more satisfying than to give someone something they appreciate. A better way to accomplish that is by asking them what they would prefer.

At your next office meeting, ask for suggestions, and once you get the suggestions deliver them. I'll bet that you will then receive the gratitude and appreciation you are looking for.

Gladys Edmunds' Entrepreneurial Tightrope column appears Wednesdays. As a single, teen-age mom, Gladys made money doing laundry, cooking dinners for taxi drivers and selling fire extinguishers and Bibles door-to-door. Today, Edmunds, founder of Edmunds Travel Consultants in Pittsburgh, is a private coach/consultant in business development and author of There's No Business Like Your Own Business, published by Viking. See an index of Edmunds' columns. Her website is www.gladysedmunds.com. You can e-mail her at gladys@gladysedmunds.com.