Why 'Dirty John' actor is open with his 3-year-old daughters about his alcoholism
Actor Kevin Zegers shared a video of his daughters talking about his alcoholism.
Actor Kevin Zegers recently shared a video featuring his young daughters addressing a topic that's very personal to him: his alcoholism.
In the video, his 3-year-old fraternal twins, Zoe and Blake, are asked what their father is and they both reply, saying, "An alcoholic." The girls are also told their dad is at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
The "Dirty John" and "Fear the Walking Dead" actor, who has been sober for eight years, added the caption, "Learning ‘em young. #aameeting," to the post.
After sharing the clip, Zegers received both praises for his honest approach to the subject with his daughters and criticism from those who say his daughters are too young to hear about the topic.
Zegers then shared a longer message, addressing why he chose to take this approach to address his addiction with his children.
“Some people seem to have taken issue with my previous post. Let me clarify," he began in the post. "Being in recovery is a part of my life. Being an ‘alcoholic’ doesn’t mean that I drink. Quite the contrary."
He said that he would rather be transparent with his whereabouts when he attends AA meetings rather than hiding it from his children.
"When I’m not home for bedtime, my girls often insist on knowing where I am," he continued. "Instead of lying to them or projecting an archaic stigma, we choose to tell them the truth. ‘Daddy’s at a meeting.'"
"Our hope is that we teach our girls some empathy and understanding about addiction. That, in spite of being an alcoholic, they have a father who has chosen a healthy way to live his life."
He also commented on his own well-being and what he hopes his twins will take away from learning about alcoholism early.
"For eight years, I’ve chosen to live a clean and sober life that involves much more than just not drinking," he wrote.
"I choose to share this because too many people, like some commenting below, want to shame people with addiction and mental health issues back into the shadows," he continued. "My choice is to crack the window open so others can see what’s possible on the other side.”
Our hope is that we teach our girls some empathy and understanding about addiction.
On being transparent with young children
Parenting expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa says Zegers approach to discussing addiction can be beneficial in some families.
"It’s great for our kids, for us to have some transparency, and definitely honesty, about health struggles that we face for several reasons," she told ABC News.
"This models really good behavior: accountability, owning what you’ve experienced and being able to reach out to the people closest to you to tell your own story," she continued. "It shows that you look for resources and help and that you work actively to be the healthiest that you can be given your own circumstances."
Is any age too young to talk about alcoholism?
Despite Zegers' critics, Gilboa said it's up to the family if they want to talk about such a serious topic with their kids.
"Every parent is an expert in what their kids actually understand and take in and grasp," she said.
Gilboa said that if a parent chooses to discuss a topic like addiction with a young child, it's important to have multiple conversations about the matter, so the child can fully grasp it.
"Explaining this to a verbal kid, even a 3-year-old in age-appropriate language, in a short bit of information and then seeing if they ask a follow-up question — that’s a completely reasonable thing to do," she said. "That way, like with any important conversation we have with our kids, it’s not one conversation, it’s 100 conversations."
The potential long-term benefits of having these conversations
Gilboa also said that opening up to young children can help shape their attitudes toward these important issues in their adolescence.
"He’s doing a really good job if he’s eight years clean and sober of taking care of himself and managing his illness the very best it’s even possible to expect," she said. "Including his kids in that journey, in age-appropriate ways, is really healthy for them. It makes them more connected to their family and gives them a better understanding."
"Also, in this particular case, because it’s about addiction, it gives him a chance to shape their views on the risks from a really young age, in a really authentic and personal way," she said, adding that it's better to have short conversations about these issues over time than one large "lecture."
Among the thousands of positive comments that Zegers received on his posts, celebrities also had some good things to say.
Actor Dax Shephard commented, "God D--- Son!!! Well said!!!"
Lily Collins added, "Couldn't love you more or be more proud. You constantly inspire me. Those girls are the luckiest to have you as their dad xx."
Actor Jonathan Tucker wrote, "Bright shining example of a good man. A good husband. A good dad. A good friend."
Sophia Bush also added Zegers' post on her Instagram story, with the message, “I am beyond proud to be your friend @kevinzegers1984. Your courageous vulnerability about addiction has saved lives, no doubt. Thank you for being a teacher to so many."
How you can talk to your own kids about alcoholism.
Gilboa shared tips for parents struggling to speak about alcoholism with their children:
1. Ask if they've heard of alcoholism and if so, what they understand about it.
2. Give them a couple of useful facts in an age-appropriate way. Like these:
•Describe that alcohol has "right away" (acute) effects and "take a while" (long-term) effects, and that both can be dangerous for adults. Also, mention that it is always dangerous for kids
•Explain that drinking alcohol gives some adults a disease called alcoholism and that there's no way to know for sure who will be affected that way.
3. Ask what question they have. If they don't, give them space to process the conversation and just mention that you'll bring it up again later. Then don't forget to actually do that at some point in the next few weeks.
There are no guidelines to these conversations, as they will always depend on the family situation, the ages of your kids and other factors.
ABC News has reached out to a representative for Zegers and will update when it hears back.
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