Engaged? Now Learn How to Prepare for the Big Day
After popping the question, get tips on how to make it memorable.
Dec. 26, 2007 — -- The holiday season is the most popular time for people to get engaged, even surpassing the lover's holiday — Valentine's Day.
But after the question has been popped and the ecstatic "yes" has been uttered, a ton of work to prepare for the big day has to be done. Antonia Van Der Meer, editor in chief of Modern Bride, has secrets on how to plan your special day.
Check out an excerpt of "The Modern Bride Survival Guide" below and check out www.brides.com for more information.
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BEGIN YOUR WEDDING PLANNINGON THE RIGHT FOOT
Who would have thought that one simple yes could lead to so many questions? But after the proposal comes the planning, and you'll have big decisions to make early on: What kind of wedding should we have? When — and where — should we tie the knot? How much can we afford? And where do we start? Just follow these steps.
1 Set your style
With so many cool ways to wed, how do you narrow down your options and choose the right style for you?Consider your personalities. Envision your dream wedding:Odds are till incorporate the things that make you happy and what you like to do for fun. So if you and your fiancé are total beach bums, skip the Cinderella fantasy and say your vows along the shore. If you both love to throw together gourmet dinners for your friends, maybe a food-focused reception at a top-notch restaurant is a must for you.Think of your history. Look back over the course of your courtship: If your fiancé proposed in a park, an outdoor garden may serve as an equally romantic backdrop for your celebration. A couple who met through their college theater group could weave a dramatic motif throughout their event, from Playbill-like programs to a show-tune-heavy playlist.Factor in your guests. Your wedding is your day — we firmly believe that — but you should still consider your guests' enjoyment. You and your fiancé may be gung-ho about hosting a black-tie event, but if your family and friends consider a collared shirt and khakis "dressed up," an ultra swanky wedding may make them uncomfortable.Find a happy medium. If you and your groom have different wedding visions you're thinking ballroom, he's thinking outdoor bash'figure out how to combine the best of both worlds. Maybe you'll wed and take photos on the beach, but move the party indoors to a restaurant or yacht club with ocean views. Or maybe you can add a few grand details — crystal chandeliers, parquet floor, silk tablecloths to a shoreside tent. Either way, you can create a celebration that's a perfect marriage of your tastes.
Home or Away?
Once upon a time, weddings always took place in the bride's hometown (which was, more often than not, the groom'shometown as well). But these days, there may be no clear-cut spot to hold your wedding if you and your fiancé are from different parts of the country—or world— and you've moved away from where you grew up. Nearly 15 percent of all couples opt for destination weddings, inviting their guests to celebrate with them in a unique vacation spot (see Chapter 18 for more on that). So how do you decide where to wed? Here are a few pointers.Figure out the logistics. Getting married in your hometown can be sweet and sentimental and a challenge, if you live thousands of miles away. You'll need to determine whether you'll be able to make enough trips home'and get enough help from friends and family members who still live there to handle the long-distance details.Consider your guests. Will your starving-artist buddies be able to fork over the cash for airline tickets to the Caribbean? Can Grandma Josie handle a climb to a mountaintop ceremony spot? Look for a location that's convenient for most, if not all, of your guests.Think about your budget. It will cost you considerably more to wed in a big city like Los Angeles or Chicago than it will in Burlingame or Batavia, so you may be able to afford a larger guest list or a much grander event if you opt to tie the knot in a smaller town.
2 Figure out your finances
Back in the day, the bride's parents footed the bill for the bulk of the wedding celebration. But with prices skyrocketing (the average wedding now costs nearly $30,000) and most to-be-weds living on their own before the big day, many couples pay for at least part of their own nuptials, often with contributions from both sets of parents. But figuring out who's chipping in' and what strings are attached to contributions can be tougher to determine in this anything goes scenario.First, figure out how much you and your fiancé can reasonably put into the wedding pot. If your bank account is bare, take a closer look at your spending habits to see if threes anything you'd be willing to give up for some additional money toward your wedding. (After all, a years worth of mocha lattes could equal a wedding dress!)Next, sit down with each set of parents individually to talk about your wedding plans and find out what, if anything, they plan to contribute. Ask them how much input they expect to have regarding how the money is spent and how the wedding is planned, then determine whether you can live with their requests: Maybe you don't mind allowing them to invite a few business colleagues if they're willing to spring for the catering.Finally, make sure your wedding dreams will fit your budget reality. As you start pricing out the details, you may need to prioritize and fund the key ones, while scaling back on others.
Bride to Bride
My fiancé and I feel that our wedding should reflect who we are, not who our parents are. So we told them that their monetary gifts are very muchappreciated, but their money does not buy them more room on the guest list or the right to choose the menu. Fortunately our families have been fine withthis, and I think we've prevented a lot of problems by being honest up front. — Melanie
{expert tip}Set up a separate checking account to keep track of funds — his way you'll know where all the money is at all times and if you're running low.
— JoAnn Gregoli, wedding planner, New York City
3 Pick the dateOnce you have the concept and the funding squared away, it's time to pull out your schedules and figure out which date works best. Check your calendars. Look for any potential conflicts: planned vacations, holidays, and even hectic times at work. One sports-addicted groom we talked to wanted his wedding planned around the college football schedule. And don't forgetto ask your must-have VIPs what they have planned: You'll need to rethink your plans if your fiancé's parents will be cruising in Polynesia then, or your pregnant sisters duedate is within a few weeks of your intended wedding date. Consider the climate. This involves more than whether you want blooming flowers or crisp autumn leaves framing yourphotos: If your wedding falls during hurricane season or midwinter, when storms could leave guests stranded or damage your site, you may need to make peace with the possibilitythat nature could wreak havoc on your plans. Debate the holidays. While a long weekend may be enticing if you're planning a host of activities around your wedding,some guests may already have plans for those dates that they cant change and out-of-towners may find travel a challenge. Discuss switching from the standard Saturday. There are only 52 of them each year, and hundreds of thousands of brides vying for them. A Friday or Sunday could work for you, or you could move beyond the weekend into weeknights, whereyou'll likely have your pick of vendors. Keep special dates in mind. Some couples like to choose sentimental anniversaries for their weddings: You might wed on the day you first met or on your parent's anniversary. Find out whets available. If you have your heart set on marrying in your house of worship or using a particular caterer, put in a quick phone call to make sure that your potential date is still open before you start booking your other vendors. Give yourselves enough time. Be realistic about how long it will take you to pull together these details while still having alife' and whether you and your other wedding contributors need some time to save up for your big event.
— Christine
Start referring to the wedding as "his" wedding. I asked my fiancé, What do you think of this song or that dinner menu for your wedding? Soon after that, he began to view the wedding as something that was not only "mine" or "ours" but also "his" and that got him more involved.
'Dana
Let him make some of the decisions on his own. Since I picked out my dress and my bridesmaids dresses, I thought it was only fair that my fiancé got to choose the tuxes for himself and his friends. They weren't exactly what I would have picked out for him, but he was happy, and that's what mattered.
'Lisa
Think about the things he enjoys. If he likes to cook, have him pick out the pots and pans for the registry. Let him help pick out the DJ or band, and ask him to make a list of his favorite songs. Keep him busy with things you know he likes (music), and avoid harassing him about the decisions he may not care about (flowers).
'Peggy
Lunch-Hour Planner How do you cram wedding tasks into your already overbooked life? Here are a few things you can cross off your list during your next lunch hour (from your desk, no less!).
1Prepare your song list. Ask your band or DJ to fax you a list of tunes. Check off the ones you definitely want played, and cross out the ones you don't.
2Update your registry. Go online and see which gifts have already been purchased. Add or delete items at will.
3Create a spreadsheet. Be sure to make enough columns so that you can easily keep track of all your wedding guests' addresses,acceptances and gifts.
4Fire off some thank-you notes.It's fine to keep them short just get those letters of gratitudein the mail!
5Get a gift. Start searching online for meaningful items togive your parents or attendants. Figure really pressed for time, youcan pay the few extra dollars to have them gift-wrapped.6Work on a wedding Web site. Upload a recent snapshot ofthe two of you, update the travel information for your out-of-townguests, or put together a list of local restaurants and attractionsyou recommend.
Dedicate a tidy corner of your home to wedding-planning activities. Lessen the chances of lost papers with a good filing system.
4 Get organizedAll those wedding details come with baggage: a huge pile of swatches, samples, contracts and clippings. So how do you keep track of the paper and paraphernalia? Most brides start with a binder or organizer of some sort, whether its one that's made specifically for planning a wedding, or a portable accordion file or three-ring binder withpockets where you can store the contracts, brochures, lists, magazine clippings and receipts. All you need is something that'll help you keep the essentials in one spot. Include the checklist on page 249, which will help ensure you don't miss a single detail. Of course, there are high-tech ways of staying organized. You can take digital pictures of sites or centerpiece options to store on your computer, construct spreadsheets to help you manage your guest list and use a PDA or computer to keep track of your to-do list. The key is to find a system that works for you' even if its just a few manila envelopesyou stuff with contracts and clippings. As long as you can find what you need, till work.
{expert tip}Envision the wedding as if you were attending it. Forget you're the bride and make sure you would enjoy every bit of the event as a guest.
'Marcy Blum, weddingconsultant, New York City
Cutting Your Guest List
As you devise your plans, try to figure out the magic number of guests you can invite, whether your budget, your preferencesor your site size sets the limit' then split that number as evenly as possible between you and your parents. But ifyou're way beyond the max, its time to trim out a few invitees. Hers how to make cuts as painlessly as possible.1Lose the and guests. Your singlepals can come solo unless they have serious beaus or fiancés.
2Avoid "chain" invitees. If youcant have your best book-clubpal there without the rest of thegirls, you may need to skip her.
3Keep it personal. Colleaguesand clients will understand ifyou say, "Were keeping it to familyand close friends only." That'll stillallow you to invite the work buddiesyou regularly hang out with on theweekends, without having to includethe entire accounting department.
4Reconsider the kids. Set alimit for your party' no one 12or under, or just first cousins orimmediate family members. If youdo decide to make exceptions foryour nieces and nephews orcousins, let the other parents onyour guest list know ahead of timewhere you've made the cutoff, sothey don't wonder why their kids areat home while others are hokey pokeyingon the dance floor.{modern bride wisdom}
If you still cant get your guest list under control, ask your parents and future in-laws to help youprioritize. After allotting each set an equal number of people to invite, have them rank their desiredinvitees in order of importance, with non-negotiables at the top. (You and your fiancé should dothe same.) Then compare all the lists to eliminate potential repeats, and start trimming an equalnumber from the lowest names on each list until you reach a workable number of guests.
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