What Are The Biggest Mistakes Men Make In Understanding What Women Need To Feel Loved?

February 13, 2009 -- Question: What are the biggest mistakes men make in understanding what women need to feel loved?

Answer: I think the complaint I hear most from women is that men don't listen to them. So, I think to feel loved, if a man is listening to what a wife is saying, if he's actually interested in what is going on in her life and he pays attention, that is central. The other thing that I think happens a lot in male-female relationships, especially when you have kids, is women's tasks get increasingly circular for the household tasks. So, you know, a woman is busy cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, and, you know, she could've really done a wonderful job, and if she dropped dead the next day, you would never be able to tell she was alive.

So, I think one thing that men can do is pitch in and do some of these circular tasks, because that feels very supportive.

The other thing is to give feedback and support for the thing the wife does that makes her unique -- not just the things she does that makes your house run smoothly -- because that's just her role -- the things that make her really unique and special. So, if she is interested in music and she is excited about a concert, share that excitement with her. If she loves to play chess, talk to her about that.

That makes her feel seen and valued for who she is and not just a role.

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