How Should Spouses Deal With A Partner's Promiscuous Past That Keeps Evolving After Many Years?
Dr. Kingsberg answers the question: 'Dealing With Spouse's Promiscuous Past?'
April 2, 2009 -- Question: After 18 years with my wife, her past partners are still an issue. Her friends and family keep bringing up the subject -- and the details seem to change. It affects my trust in her. How do spouses deal with a partner's promiscuous past that keeps evolving after many years?
Answer: If you are concerned about trust issues 18 years into a marriage, here's the question I would like you to ask yourself: If this is the past and truly the past and that this is about her sexual encounters with people before you were together, then you need to wonder why 18 years later, number one, people are bringing this up to you, and number two, you're still questioning trust.
Because, if this is 18 years ago, then I would assume that for 18 years she has been monogamous and committed to you. At which point, you need to help put this to rest. You and she can have a conversation about it, and I would suggest you tell her perhaps well-meaning friends and family that that's in the past and you'd rather not discuss it anymore. And that way, you don't need to be constantly reminded of something that seems to be very painful for you to manage.
