Dear New Dad Who Isn't Pulling His Weight
Bet the little thing looks just like you, right?
— -- (Editor's note: this article originally appeared on Upfront Mama. It has been reprinted here with permission. You can follow Upfront Mama on Facebook.)
Dear New Dad who isn’t pulling his weight*,
Firstly, congratulations on your new role as a father. Bet the little thing looks just like you right?** You must be brimming with pride!
Anyway, niceties over. It’s time that you and I had a little chat.
Rumor has it that you haven’t really been mucking in. In fact, the word on the street is that you’re wearing earplugs as you snore and dribble your way through the night and that you’ve been expecting to have your dinner on the table when you get home from your long day at work. It’s even been said that you’re of the opinion that the mother of your new child is on some sort of year-long jolly filled with day time TV, shopping and coffee mornings. You on the other hand are slogging away on a daily basis to keep the family in nappies (which you refuse to change of course.)
Well here’s the thing. Not only are you wrong, but you are also being a bit of a selfish (insert swear word of choice).
Every morning you wake up from your long slumber, probably have a shower, eat breakfast and then hop into your car/public transport and head to work. During your day you no doubt interact with adults, head out for coffee or maybe even lunch? You’re using your brain, have time to think and most importantly, you’re free.
A few miles away, your other half is walking around like a zombie after getting two hours sleep last night. She hasn’t had time to eat breakfast yet and has had two sips of a cup of tea that is now stone cold. She’s just fed the baby (again) and it looks like he’s settled so she’s going to run to the bathroom and try and have a shower. She’s just shampooing her hair (for the first time in four days) and the baby has started screaming. Unable to ignore his cries, she gets out of the shower with soap dripping everywhere and goes to comfort him. Shower forgotten, she spends the rest of the day with an itchy, soapy scalp.
Finally the little fellow is asleep again. What to do? There’s SO much to do! Washing, cleaning, getting some food in, admin. “I’ll start with getting dressed," she thinks to herself as she realizes that she’s stark naked and still wet. She races upstairs to grab some clothes and puts on the kettle for another try at that cup of tea. Just as she’s about to take a sip, the baby stirs. “Don’t cry, don’t cry,” she thinks to herself, but he’s awake again. What does he need? Is he too hot? Too cold? Has wind? Oh, wait a minute, he’s chewing on his fist. He’s hungry ... again!!! She sits down with him and for the next hour they struggle through breast-feeding together. You see it’s REALLY hard to begin with and can be exhausting, stressful and even painful.
After a long feed, the baby nods off again. “I must eat,” she says as she sprints downstairs to put a wash on before the baby wakes up again.
That afternoon (after a hurried lunch of soggy cornflakes), your wife is going for one of those coffee afternoons with her NCT friends. I bet you’re imagining lashings of cake and girly giggling? She’s so lucky just hanging out with friends doing sod all while you work your a** off? Well the fact of the matter is that it took her an hour to get out of the house because your little boy needed another feed and then did a poo-explosion and needed changing. He then cried all the way to the café. Finally she got there and was joined by her equally exhausted friends. They sat there talking about how hard they’re finding the new mummy thing as they fed their babies and sipped on their (cold) de-caffeinated lattes.
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