Jon Gosselin Exclusive: Marriage to Kate 'Will Never Be Fixed'

Sept. 7, 2009— -- Long before the tabloids and media frenzy, Jon Gosselin -- one half of the parenting duo "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" -- says the chaotic stress of raising eight children took its toll on the young couple.

"I got married at 22. I had twins at 23. I had sextuplets at 27. Bye-bye, twenties," Gosselin, now 32, told ABC News' Chris Cuomo in an exclusive interview. "And then raising all those kids until you're 30 and, you know, you don't even think about what's going on around you. You just do what you got to do to survive."

But it wasn't the demands of parenting, but what Gosselin calls Kate Gosselin's constant verbal "abuse," that sent their 10-year-marriage into a tailspin. Now, he says, the relationship is irreconcilable.

"Our relationship will never be fixed," he said. " ... I don't trust her anymore. I was abused ... I was beaten down ... I'm not going back to that life style."

Watch Jon Gosselin's interview on "GMA," Tuesday, Sept. 8, and more on "Primetime: Family Secrets," at 10 p.m. ET.

While Gosselin says that Kate ended the marriage, his soon-to-be ex-wife has been telling a very different story in the media, appearing on magazine covers and talk shows.

"She made the first move. She knows the truth," he said. "I wish to God, she would speak from emotions ... She's not speaking from the heart. Please -- the stuff you tell me in private should be the stuff you tell me on TV."

Gosselin told Cuomo that the marriage reached a breaking point when he "stood up to Kate" for the first time, going out to see his friends.

"In 10 years, I've never gone out ... When she said, 'I don't want you going out,' I ... I used to say, 'OK, I'm not going to go out.' I was very passive. This is the first time I said, 'You know what? I want to see my friends. I'm going out,'" he explained. "That was the first time in my life I ever stood up to Kate ... I just felt like I had to take back some time in my life, and I did it. And I felt really good. I made my own decision ... I was beaten down for so long, I couldn't even make my own decision. And when I did, I was like, holy cow! You know? Yeah, what's she gonna do? Divorce me? All right. Obviously. You know."

Gosselin told Cuomo that during his marriage to Kate, he changed who he was.

"My mom and my brothers, they say to me, 'It's so good to have the real Jon back. It's so good to have the warm, loving, kind, caring person that we knew you when you were ... before you got married,'" Gosselin said. "I've changed for her. Because I loved her ... But don't forget who you are. That's what happened to me."

Jon Minus Kate

The former reality TV duo now lives the life of parents with shared custody. Gosselin commutes from New York City to the family's Pennsylvania home when it's his turn to be with the kids.

Their ongoing custody battle has resulted in the police being called to their Pennsylvania home, when Kate came home to find the kids with a new babysitter, hired by Gosselin.

"I wouldn't let her in the gate," Gosselin told paparazzi. "I said, I'm spending time with my kids ... and she's going to have to leave, and she tried to cry it up with the cops, and it didn't work and they just basically said [to her], You have to leave."

Gosselin: We Met With Dr. Phil

Despite the drama, Gosselin says he tried everything to avoid reaching this point, including therapy sessions, which proved fruitless.

"I went to therapy. I learned about myself. If she's not going to therapy, she's not going to fix herself, then it's not going to work. It takes two people," Gosselin said. "I have a $22,000 therapy bill. I mean, I tried to have marriage counseling. I did it myself. She refused to go."

Gosselin said that Kate did agree to attend therapy with Dr. Phil, urging Gosselin to fly to California to meet with the celebrity therapist before a scheduled trip to Utah. But according to Gosselin, their session was more about fixing the image of the show than fixing their marriage.

"We talked about the brand and ... and corporate things and making the brand work," he told Cuomo. "I felt it was weird. I was like, 'why am I here? I could be snow-boarding.' I mean, it wasn't helping."

In a statement to ABC News, Dr. Phil said: "I respect the Gosselins' privacy. I have no comment on their marriage."

Reflecting on his failed marriage, Gosselin says he's had his share of doubts.

"I felt maybe I was too passive. Maybe I didn't stand my grounds 10 years ago -- even to stick up for my kids. But it's gone. I can't get that back," he said.

Divorce Has Taken Emotional Toll on Gosselin

Though Gosselin has attempted to keep it all together in the media spotlight, he admits the divorce has taken an emotional toll.

"I don't cry, I cried at my dad's funeral. That's it," he said, "but like, I've cried more now in the last, like, eight months than ... my whole entire life."

Amidst a very public break-up, America's television dad has received much criticism for partying and for his relationship with 22-year-old girlfriend Hailey Glassman, the daughter of a plastic surgeon who performed Kate's tummy tuck in 2006.

"I just want to let the world know that I'm a real person with feelings," he said. "OK, I've made mistakes. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to go out to the clubs. But we all learn from mistakes, except mine are public."

Watch Jon Gosselin's interview on "GMA," Tuesday, Sept. 8, and more on "Primetime: Family Secrets," at 10 p.m. ET.