Can 36 Questions Create Closeness Between Strangers? Take the Quiz

— -- Can you create closeness in 36 questions?

That’s what social psychologist Arthur Aron attempts to do.

In a study titled “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings,” published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, a journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Aron and his co-authors seek to discover whether they can “create closeness in a reasonably short amount of time.”

The questions are designed to simplify things and help people get to know each other quickly.

Aron, of the State University of New York at Stony Brook, and his co-authors designed these questions based on a lot of research into how friendships naturally develop.

“The questions gradually get more and more personal, so they begin with questions that are almost small talk and then they move to talk about some of the deepest, most intimate things in your life,” he said.

The questions include the following:

• Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Aron said the the questions gradually get more and more personal.

“They begin with questions that are almost small talk and then they move to talk about some of the deepest, most intimate things in your life,” he said, adding: “There's reason to think that getting close would facilitate love and feeling romantic feelings."

Scroll down to see all 36 questions

He said he and his co-authors designed the questions for strangers, but added that research suggests sharing personal things – as long as it’s reciprocated and both parties are responsive – helps all kinds of relationships.

Samantha Daniels, a professional matchmaker, sees the benefits and drawbacks of the list.

“Well, falling in love really is about chemistry and chemistry is an intangible, but what I say is you need two types of chemistry. You need physical chemistry and then you need mental and emotional chemistry so questions like these help people find that second half, which is the mental and emotional chemistry, but at the same time you have to be careful because you don't want to cross the line too quickly. You don't want to ask too many personal questions or pry because that could send you in the wrong direction,” she said.

On a first date, it’s important to not make your date uncomfortable, she said.

“You know, in the 36 questions there's one asking how you think you're going to die. You know that's a little extreme to be asking on a first date,” she said. “I think that that's off-putting, number one, and it puts you in a really serious, heavy place on a date and you just don't want to be in that place on a first date because it doesn't really help.”

Stuart Kenworthy, 28, and Kyle Godfrey-Ryan, 31, are complete strangers who took the 36 questions.

They asked each other the questions, and completed the last part of the exercise by staring deeply into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

Asked how the exercise went, Godfrey-Ryan said there was “a lot more connection” than she expected.

“It was really disarming and I felt very vulnerable but happy and comfortable at the same time," she said.

Added Kenworthy: “I was nervous at first but definitely more comfortable as the questions progressed but I was worried about my answers. ‘Am I smiling too much, do I look nervous’ and as we progressed I became very comfortable with Kyle."