To the outside world, Nicole Kidman appeared to be living a fantasy life as the glamorous movie star wife of her larger-than-life movie star husband Tom Cruise.
In reality, she now says more than a decade after the couple's divorce, her world was much smaller during their 11-year union, and not at all what it appeared.
Kidman, now 45, describes herself as "smitten" and "madly, passionately in love" when, in 1990 as a 23-year-old aspiring actress from Australia, she married the once-divorced Cruise, who was by then already a Hollywood star.
The couple appeared happy and together adopted two kids, Isabella and Connor, but just two months after celebrating their 10 th wedding anniversary, the "Top Gun" star pulled the plug on their marriage and proclaimed to the press only, "Nic knows why."
"I was reeling with Tom. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him," the magazine's cover girl says of Cruise, now 50 and recently divorced for a third time, from actress Katie Holmes. "But looking back on it now, I was so impulsive and naïve.
"It took me a very long time to heal. It was a shock to my system," she says of the divorce, which she also opened about recently to Who magazine, after a long silence. "I thought our life together was perfect."
After the shock, Kidman bounced back from being "Mrs. Tom Cruise," both professionally and personally, winning the Best Actress Oscar for her work in "The Hours" and going on to marry country music star and new "American Idol" judge Keith Urban.
"My life changed. He is a wonderful, caring man and he makes me feel secure," Kidman says of Urban, 45. "We don't ever like to be separated."
After adopting her two children with Cruise, and seeing them live largely with him after the divorce, and suffering a miscarriage at the end of her marriage to Cruise, Kidman calls giving birth to a daughter, Sunday Rose, with Urban in 2008, a "healing experience."
"It took me so long to have a child. I feel enormous gratitude," she tells Du Jour. "Sunday has healed an enormous amount in me. It's a very private thing, but she just has."
The couple also welcomed a second daughter, Faith Margaret, via a gestational surrogate two years later, and live what she calls a "wonderful home life" in Nashville where she hosts a weekly baby group with her and her daughters' friends.
"There's always music," Kidman says of life in what Bosworth describes as the family's "big gray house with a pool and tennis court and movie theater." "Keith plays the guitar and piano and drums. He's always composing music. It's lovely when you have a baby who picks up the drumsticks and plays - wearing angel wings."
"Before, I was running away from life," says the actress, next set to bring Princess Grace of Monaco to life on the big screen. "Now I embrace it. You never know how long you have. So I cherish every minute."
The Winter 2012 issue of DuJour Magazine featuring Kidman hits newsstands Dec. 5.