How Do I Handle Inappropriate Sexual Comments?

Dear Liz: I have a neighbor who always comes on to me with sexual comments when he’s around me.  Granted, I like the attention, but it makes me uncomfortable and my husband upset.  I have tried to be rude, to not be around him and to ignore him.   He is also in a relationship.  How do I get him to stop? 

Haysville, Kansas


Hi in Kansas-


I have two suggestions, one is more confrontational than the other. In your letter to me you mention that you do “like” the attention, but it makes you uncomfortable…here’s the thing.  You may not realize it but perhaps your neighbor is picking up on that and feels it’s totally okay to say these things.  If this is the case, you could try to completely ignore his comments, change the subject as he makes them, and see what happens. 


However, what I really think is that you’re going to have to ask your leering neighbor to stop.  Next time you run into him, wait for the comment and then turn around and look him in the eye and tell him you simply will not tolerate it.  It will throw him off, wait for him to settle-let it sink in and then move on. I might suggest your husband be nearby, not with you but near.  If the neighbor decides to laugh this off as though “you wish” which he may, just let him know in the future you expect to hear nothing from him in the area of the way you look etc….


Good luck- stay clear and forthcoming!



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