Parenting the French Way: Is It Better?

I find the position of Ms. Druckernan presumptuous and offensive. That statement that parenting is “less of a grind” if done the French way can only be attributed to her own perception or personal experience. My opportunity to be a parent has never been anything other than a gift, a blessing and chance I was given. Furthermore she goes on to presume that American parents loathe the interruption of sleep to care for infants and thus develop practices that make bed time problematic, and as far as how much time women take off work or stay at home -lessening maternal interference- again is a personal choice- not a cultural difference. I could go on forever about her conjecture, misguided thought processes,and disregard for American parents but there is not enough time or room. I have always worked, my son has NEVER thrown a tantrum and has always slept in his own bed peacefully and I am 100% American as is his father. Ms. Druckerman and her condescension are welcome to stay in France.

I think she makes some good points, one in particular about teaching kids patience and self-control. It’s something that most children can learn at a fairly young age. Some take a little longer, though.

As for sleeping through the night, that seems a bit strange. I had one baby that slept every night practically from the time she was born, from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. then woke up for a feeding and diaper change and back to sleep until 9 a.m. Another one, though, woke up at 2 a.m. until after she was two years old. They’re both adults now and there is still a very distinct difference in their sleeping habits. The all-night sleeper requires at least nine hours of sleep a night or otherwise gets migraines. The one who always woke up requires much less sleep. Then there was my son. When he was a toddler we were remodeling our house and he didn’t have a bedroom so we fixed up a small bed and crib mattress in one corner of our room. Every night he woke up and got into bed with us. He did that until he was at least six. It didn’t bother us, it was just one of those things with children.

It looks to me like maybe their status may be more important to them than their children. We lived on poverty-level income for a lot of years so I could be home with our kids. We didn’t go without anything important: shelter, clothing, food, etc. We did without a lot of frivolities during those years but that also reinforced the delayed gratification thing. When I was a kid my mom worked part time and she was home when we got home from school about half the time. I remember how much I loved coming home to her being there. I wanted my kids to have that as well.

I don’t think there is a full set of right and wrong when it comes to raising children. I know I’ve made my share of mistakes but I also know there are a lot of things I did right that are completely contrary to that list.

“We covet their food, their wine” I most certainly do NOT.

what a load of crap. further proof that ANYONE can decide to write a book, whether its valid or not.

I agree that we (Americans) have created a sense of entitlement in our kids. We negotiate way too much when they need to learn that the adult is the parent and they are the child. Just watch the interaction of kids with their parents in grocery stores. It’s embarrassing. I’ve been abroad a lot and have seen kids with loving parents who obey the first time a parent says something. Simply amazing. Great story!

Ms. Druckerman does not speak for all American women, and I resent the fact that she assumes that American mothers treat raising children as part of the “daily grind.” I was a stay-at-home Mom and felt privileged to be so. I enjoyed raising my children, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I most certainly would. Some women don’t want to be stay-at-home moms and that’s their choice, but to put all American mothers in the same box, so to speak, is a generalization that I don’t think Druckerman can make without doing some kind of scientific study. I do believe that advertising plays a significant role in how much we give in to our kids. But that is the fault of the parents. You are in control, not the kids.

To say the French or Europeans parent better is not a fair statement at all. In watching your segment today I left with the impression that the French mother was cold and not very affectionate. As far as allowing your infant to cry and not pick him/her up is totally inappropriate. Studies show that it is important to hold an infant because that is when the attachment is formed between parent and child. Allowing them to cry themselves to sleep is simply denying that child the bond to form between parent and child. I agree with the American parent (author) who said it is a matter of culture. I was angered by the clip and took it as an insult to American mothers/parents.

Different culture, different mindset, different expectations. I agree that kids today lack self-control and discipline but that isn’t because of parenting per se. American society as a whole pushes the idea that somehow you’re entitled to get whatever you want and send the bill to someone else.

My parents must have been secretly French, because that’s how my brothers and I were raised, right here in the good old USA. It is not a bad way at all to raise children.

The article does not say that French parents don’t respond when their child cries. It says “Parents don’t ignore their babies’ cries but they do pause before responding to them.” Nothing wrong with that. I mean, just a few minutes in the middle of the night, hoping the kid will go back to sleep? Don’t tell me those of you who are so critical have NEVER done that! A lot of American kids don’t know how to soothe themselves.

To those getting offended – this article isn’t saying that all American parents are bad. It’s just telling how French parents differ in how they raise their children. I honestly agree with a lot of it (having children sleeping on their own through the night at 4 months or so, delaying gratification, etc). A lot of kids now (as they grow older) are used to having their parents there immediately in every situation or getting what they want immediately (instant gratification). That is why we are having more high school/college aged children with parents who blame the teachers when their child is failing instead of wondering if maybe their child just isn’t doing the work, more teens/young adults who want things immediately and don’t know the meaning of patience, more young adults who want things handed to them without the work. Now, I’m not saying that all parents are parenting the wrong way….but we need to teach our children, starting at an early age, to self-soothe, be patient, etc. And, yes, I am a parent to a 22 month old daughter who has slept in her own crib/bed since 4 months old, who I stayed at home with until she was over a year old and who now goes to daycare, who I don’t run to immediately when she cries in the middle of the night (unless it’s a horrible cry where I know something is wrong). She knows how to self-soothe and she knows how to wait for things (yes, she’s a toddler, and being so, she is still impatient and throws tantrums….but I don’t give in right away.) She will hopefully be a strong, independent young woman and adult because of the way I’m raising her.

I was raised in France by French parents and now live in the U.S. where I am raising my own children. I think Ms. Druckerman makes some valid points, especially about the permissiveness and lack of discipline many American parents allow in their homes, however I must say I disagree with most everything else she says. I know the general school of thought in France is that French women can’t be happy and fulfilled by being stay-at-home moms, which is why they stick their infants in daycare from a young age (another reason being that the high taxation rate requires both parents to work to make ends meet…) I think there is nothing better for the child and more noble and fulfilling for a woman than to be home with her children. I would never let someone else raise my sweet children and am grateful that I am in a financial position to stay at home with them. Having grown up in France, I know that French children’s emotional well-being is often ignored for the gratification of their parents’ selfish needs. Empathy is rarely used at home or at school. On the other hand, I am often appalled at how American parents let their kids act however they want, without much discipline or self control, and without consideration for the people around them. For example, proper table manners are well emphasized in France. In the U.S., I am constantly horrified when I hear kids and adults chewing loudly with their mouths open. In a French movie theater, you could hear a pin drop. I wish Americans were more considerate in public and chew with their mouths closed. But overall, this French girl is glad to be raising her kids in America and to apply to their education some of her inherited French discipline.

Waiting for someone else win a war for you is also the French way. That and not bathing very often.

Funny, this woman had to move to France to find out what common sense parenting is? Why am I not surprised that a journalist is apparently wholly out of touch with the American population and instead – as is typical, uses the ridiculous hollywood stereotypes of what American families are like as the basis for forming false impressions.

And, while French children may not throw tantrums (neither do my kids, it’s not tolerated) they sure learn how to throw them by the time they’re young adults and start burning their cities down in protest over not being taken care of the rest of their lives regardless of their effort – or lack there of!

She brings up some great points! Many parents are more interested in giving into their kids rather than being a parent.

For the sake of argument – say some President’s parent(s) wrote a book titled “How to raise your kid to become the President” and in it the Author explained his/her method of raising his/her kid who later became the President. Are you going to get the book, read it and follow everything in it to raise your kid(s) and hope/dream your kid will also become the President someday? If that’s the case, I’ll also say – Mon Dieu – yeah right – My God!!!

If you don’t agree with her premise, don’t buy the book! The fact that she learned some parenting skills in another country is fiiiiine. It’s not like we have a manual and training for child-rearing. I don’t see any point where this author is claiming that she is the highest authority in the land – she’s simply saying she learned some stuff and wants to share it. Why do some of you see that as a personal offense of the highest order? Yeesh.

Folks, it’s all about being open minded. relax. It’s always good to get other people’s perspective.

More and more studies show that teaching delayed gratification at a young age makes for a happier adult.

The world’s most extraordinary child, Jackie Evancho, has American parents.

Im Mexican, living in America.. My mom who is also Mexican, picks up my daughter whenever she cries and give my kids whatever they want right away… I dont agree.. I let them cry for a bit before I pick them up, and most of the time they stop on their own and get distracted by whatever else they see. I dont give them whatever they asking for right away, specially if Im busy. I dont stop doing what Im doing just to get them what they want. Kids do need to learn patience, and self control of their emotions. Now my point is.. Im not American, Im not French… I dont think is a meter of nation.. Im pretty sure they are French people that do many things like “Americans” or many Americans that do things the “French” way… I dont think is right to put a tag or a name on how to raise your kids… We should be open minded and try whatever works for us as parents an whatever works for our kids.. is every child is different..