MOLLY GOLD, Go Mom!

Million Moms Challenge Blogger

I didn’t love being pregnant.  I wish I could tell you that I was one of those women who glowed and was clearly meant to carry babies and be more stunning and happy than ever.  Not so much.  3 pregnancies over 8 years, all perfectly healthy full term babies, each one induced thanks to getting started on my own but not really getting out of the gate for dilation, each one leading me to gain exactly 42 pounds no matter how much or little exercise, and each delivered without a c-section but definitely with an epidural.

My pregnancies all included first trimester morning sickness.  My first pregnancy was text book, mild and just a minor inconvenience, stopping at 12 weeks to the day. My second pregnancy knew no limits, game on day or night through most of the first 7 months.  I often found myself covering my mouth when visiting with a friend or neighbor, just making sure to keep things where they should be.  My third pregnancy found me most nauseous in the last few months, resorting to meds which I was tormented about no matter how much better they made me feel.

I didn’t love being pregnant because I felt totally gross.  And I felt terrible about that because for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a Mom.  I took my baby dolls everywhere, making houses with chalk on the driveway and setting them all out to play with me. I babysat constantly starting at age 10 and even traveling with a family on their vacation to help out at only 12 years old. Being a Mom was my destination; my definition of myself as a grown woman; my most important and beloved job.

So I told myself daily if this was the worst it got, that if I personally wasn’t on top of the world but my babies were okay, that I’d do it every day for the entire 9 months no questions asked.  I knew women who had suffered extreme weight loss in the face of debilitating sickness that left them bed ridden.  I knew women who lost their babies just after entering that “safe” zone of the 2nd trimester.  I knew women who couldn’t conceive babies no matter what they tried.  I knew I could be sick and feel gross for 9 months and then it would be over.  I knew that much I could certainly do.

The most difficult moment in my pregnancies was the unavoidable reality that I was not in control.  I couldn’t control the discomfort I felt from the miraculous changes that were happening inside me.  I couldn’t control the anxiety I felt each time we had to test for Down’s Syndrome or other abnormalities.  I couldn’t control the overwhelming fear I felt as we traveled to the hospital to be induced, wishing more than anything that someone could sub in for me and take one for the team, facing the inevitable pain I was about to face.  I couldn’t control throwing up constantly during my 16 hour labor with our second child, most violently after every single push for 2 hours until he was finally born.

Losing control has become my greatest blessing.  Loving selflessly, believing blindly, hoping fiercely, and enjoying passionately the wonder of my family.  This is what motherhood has become for me and its only in losing control that I could welcome the rest of my life, one generally well organized and exceptionally well loved day at a time.

Becoming pregnant changed my life, and I’d love to hear more about your best or most difficult pregnancy moments. By replying, you will be entered to win an exclusive Million Moms Challenge Gift Pack, which includes an all expenses paid trip t o a conference on mothers hosted by the UN Foundation in DC (Jan/Feb 2012), an iPad2, a custom-made Million Moms Challenge pendant and $50 donation in your name to Global Giving. Contest and prize details here.

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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Million Moms Challenge. The opinions and text are all mine. Contest runs September 19 to October 16, 2011. A random winner will be announced by October 18, 2011.

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