Episode Recap: 'Bristol Palin: Life's a Tripp'

Since the announcement last week that "Life's a Tripp" would be moved to 11 p.m. - placing it after a full hour of "Dance Moms" repeats - morale has been low around this recap blog. This new time slot is as cold as the Alaskan wilderness.

Hard to believe we're on the fifth episode already, but time flies when you're having almost no fun at all and the network is blowing through the season so it can have more room in the schedule for that show starring Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage.

Bristol starts out gushing about how great her mom is, how much she's accomplished and how proud she is of her. That could mean only one thing - the next 22 minutes are going to be filled with lots of Mama Palin.

The girls are coming with Sarah to D.C. for CPAC and Bristol is squeezing in a book signing for her book, "Not Afraid of Life." Bristol tells the camera,"I wrote the book so other girls can see the decisions I made, and try to avoid 'em."

When Bristol predicts how she will react to protesters, saying she will "prolly whoop their asses," Willow wisely advises her that karma will get them. Either way, Tripp is staying back home with Todd, so at least he's safe this episode - so far.

Bristol says their family receives "thousands and thousands of death threats" (fact check, please?) and she's worried about being in D.C. A woman introduced only as "Nancy" (a quick search will tell you it's Bristol's co/ghost writer, Nancy French) comes into the girls' hotel room in D.C. wearing a button down and pearls and tells the Palin girls she'll protect them. It's not entirely clear how she will do that.

Either no one showed up at the book signing for Bristol or Lifetime did a terrible job of highlighting that. It's really boring, and they leave the bookstore only to be accosted by a Bristol Palin impersonator and then an outspoken constituent who thinks the impersonator is actually Sarah Palin and the impersonator doesn't stop him. They have a bizarre exchange about health care and ignore Bristol and Willow. It's the most exciting moment on this episode so far.

Back in Alaska, Bristol's boyfriend Gino and Willow's friend Andy pal around with Tripp on motorbikes, and Tripp calls Gino "daddy." Several times. With subtitles added. We get it, Lifetime. Gino tells us in a confessional that he really loves Tripp but doesn't want to be selfish and once again proves that Gino is likely the most mature person in Wasila.

Bristol and Willow seem far more impressed with Sarah Palin's popularity in crowds, comparing her to a "rock star" and "Lady Gaga" than they do delving into her stance on issues, which is about as vague as most people's thoughts are about their parents' jobs.

As the three Palin ladies sit in a D.C. hotel room eating a birthday cake they've gotten Sarah, Willow decrees that she will never live on the East Coast because of, duh, "liberals." Willow is quickly eliminating regions of the country where she can reside as this show goes on. She also told Bristol that she could die licking an envelope, which only happens on "Seinfeld," so maybe she's more East-coast minded than she realizes.

Sarah asks if the girls have any advice about Syria, and Willow admits, "I don't know what Syria is." And that's how they leave it in D.C.

Back in Alaska, Bristol is reunited with Gino and Tripp and they all adorably climb 20 feet of snow. The show has the annoying habit of ending each episode with a scene that's a bit too cute.

Watching Bristol try to discipline Tripp is painful and a little too close to reality for this parent of a 2-year-old. Todd gives a great, classic dad speech, telling Bristol how tough it was raising them and how she needs to stop spoiling her kid. This is Todd's first real appearance on the show and he starts with a bang. Bristol, in her defense, claims that she can not win against Tripp. Then she is on to better things - like shopping!

Bristol and Willow go shop for a gift for Sarah's birthday and talk about the party details, which is fascinating in its riveting detail. Just kidding, they whine about how hard it's going to be to surprise their mom and get food and invite people and stuff.

Bristol gives Tripp a lesson in gun safety by taking him shopping for a gun for Sarah's birthday, telling him to not touch any guns that are real, only pretend ones. They settle on a pink pistol for mom that totally looks pretend.

At the surprise party, Gino tells Bristol that the hot mess of a cake that she made looks good and then disciplines Tripp effectively. The editors of this show are stopping at nothign to make this guy look like the ultimate catch. It's working. By the end of the episode when Bristol tells Tripp she might be getting married, it's the most sensible thing she's said in an hour.

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