Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe is a professional at drop kicking footballs, and today he proved he could rhetorically do the same to a legislator who he said tried to trample the First Amendment rights of another player.
In a scathing, insult-laced open letter for Deadspin.com, Kluwe berated Maryland Rep. Emmett Burns for trying to silence Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, a vocal supporter of gay marriage.
"I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful c**kmonster," Kluwe wrote, using a slang term for the male anatomy. "They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population."
The letter from Kluwe, who punts footballs 50 yards every week, was a swift kick of sarcasm: "You may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words," peppered with a colorful collection of insults - "you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain," condemning Burns for trying to prevent Ayanbadejo from standing up for "freedom."
Last week Burns sent a letter asking Ravens owner Steve Biscoitti to force Ayanbadejo to keep his political opinions to himself. Burns said the linebacker should "concentrate on football and steer clear of dividing the fan base," which Burns claimed was "aghast and appalled" to learn that Ayanbadejo supported gay marriage.
"I am requesting that you take the necessary action, as a National Football Franchise owner, to inhibit such expressions from your employee and that he be ordered to cease and desist from such injurious actions," Burns wrote to Biscoitti. " I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing."
That plea for silence was just enough to set Ayanbadejo's fellow NFL player aflame. Kluwe took to the blogosphere, responding to Burns' letter with his own, posted to Deadspin Friday.
"I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government," Kluwe wrote. "Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level."
The Vikings player goes on to call Burns "mind-boggingly stupid" for trying to strip his fellow NLF player of his First Amendment right to free speech. Kluwe points out that Burns, a Baptist minister, also enjoys the First Amendment right to religious freedom.
"To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word," Kluwe wrote. "Mindf**king obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit."
Kluwe said in the letter that he hopes his response makes Burns "reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterf**k you so brazenly unleashed."
"P.S.," Kluwe concludes, "I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your 'I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing' and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. A**hole."
Burns could not be reached for comment. His office voicemail box was full.
Read the full text of Kluwe's letter on Deadspin.