Best Jokes from the Obama vs. Romney Stand-Up Comedy Duel

By Jilian Fama

Oct 19, 2012 12:26pm
ap obama romney dinner lt 121018 wblog Best Jokes from the Obama vs. Romney Stand Up Comedy Duel

AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

President Obama and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney set aside their campaign differences to attended the Alfred E. Smith Dinner, a benefit  in which the Catholic Archdiocese of New York’s hosts the presidential candidates.  White ties are worn and jokes are told at the benefit, which has brought the top candidates since the 1960s.

Check out each candidate’s top five jokes and watch their stand-up routines:

 

Mitt Romney 

1. “I am pleased once again to have the chance to see Governor Cuomo who is already being talked about for higher office a very impressive fellow but he may be getting a little ahead of himself. I mean, Let me get this straight- the man put in one term and a governor, he has a father who happened to be a governor, and he thinks that’s enough to run for President.”

2. “Of course we’re down to the final months of the Presidents term, as presidents—as President Obama surveys the Waldorf banquet room with everyone in white tie and finery you have to wonder what he’s thinking “So little time, so much to redistribute.” And don’t be surprised if the President mentions this evening the monthly jobs report where there was a slight improvement in the numbers. He knows how to seize the moment, this President, and already has a compelling new campaign slogan “You’re better off now than you were four weeks ago.”

3. “People seem to be very curious as to how we prepare for the debates, let me tell you what I do: First, refrain from alcohol for 65 years before the debate. Second, find the biggest available straw man and then just mercilessly attack him- Big Bird didn’t even see it coming. And by the way, in the spirit of Sesame Street the President’s remarks tonight are brought to you by the letter O and the number 16 trillion.”

4. “Campaigns can be grueling, exhausting, President Obama and I are each very lucky to have one person who is always in our corner. Someone who we can lean on and someone who’s a comforting presence without whom we wouldn’t be able to go on with the day. I have my beautiful wife, Ann, he has Bill Clinton.”

5. “Let’s just say that some in the media have a certain way of looking at things. When suddenly I pulled ahead in some of the major polls, what was the headline? “Polls show Obama leading from behind.” And I have already seen early reports from tonight’s dinner,” headline: Obama embraced by Catholics, Romney dines with rich people.”

 

Barack Obama

1. “I’m still making the most of my time in the city, earlier today I went shopping at some stores in Midtown. I understand Governor Romney went shopping for some stores in Midtown.”

2. “It’s been four years since I was last at the Al Smith dinner and I have to admit some things have changed since then. I’ve heard some people say, “Barack, you’re not as young as you used to be. Where is that golden smile, where is that pep in your step?” And I say, ‘Settle down Joe, I’m trying to run a cabinet meeting here.’ He does smile when he says it though.”

3. “Ultimately though, tonight’s not about the disagreements Governor Romney and I may have. It’s what we have in common, beginning with our unusual names. Actually Mitt is his middle name- I wish I could use my middle name.”

4. “Monday’s debate is a little bit different because the topic is foreign policy. Spoiler Alert: We got Bin Laden.”

5. “Of course world affairs are a challenge for every candidate. After- some of you guys remember- after my foreign trip in 2008 I was attacked as a celebrity because I was so popular with our allies overseas and I have to say  I am impressed with how well Governor Romney has avoided that problem.”

Get more pure politics at ABCNews.com/Politics and a lighter take on the news at OTUSNews.com

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