Call it the Battle Hymn of the Online Petitioners.
Since President Obama's re-election, a wave of visitors have submitted petitions to WhiteHouse.gov, calling on the president to allow states to secede from the United States, peacefully. To sign, all visitors need to do is validate their email addresses.
Petitions have now been submitted for every state except Vermont. A petition to allow Texas to secede has gained 101,328 online signatures, leading all petitions.
Visitors can submit and sign petitions at "We the People," a crowdsourcing site run by the White House for it to solicit suggestions and questions about government policy. The White House promises to review and issue official comment on any petitions gaining more than 25,000 signatures. The White House has said it would comment on the secession petitions, but it hasn't done so yet.
But opponents of this movement have countered with their own, sometimes tongue-in-cheek petitions against secession. While they haven't obtained nearly as many signatures as the purported seceders, the they have matched their anti-United-States counterparts in snark.
Among the most bitter and retributive of all anti-secession petitions is one that asks Obama to strip the citizenship of everyone who's signed a petition to secede. It's also the most popular, having gained 10,652 signatures at the time of this posting. It reads:
Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them
Mr. President, please sign an executive order such that each American citizen who signed a petition from any state to secede from the USA shall have their citizenship stripped and be peacefully deported.
A petition to allow Austin, Texas, to secede from the state and annex several other cities has gained 5,348 signatures. It reads:
Peacefully grant the city of Austin Texas to withdraw from the state of Texas & remain part of the United States.
Austin Texas continues to suffer difficulties stemming from the lack of civil, religious, and political freedoms imposed upon the city by less liberally minded Texans. It is entirely feasible for Austin to operate as its own state, within the United States, in the event that Texas is successful in the current bid to secede. It is important for Austin to remain in the union as to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers.
We would also like to annex Dublin Texas, Lockhart Texas, & Shiner Texas.
Another, to prevent any secessions, has gained 2,190 signatures. It reads:
Keep the United States United
The United States of America was founded on principles of democracy and cooperation. We have gone through over two centuries of triumph and turmoil, but more importantly,we have done so as a united country.
Times have been tough for all of us; some states are frustrated to the point of petitioning for secession, but now is not the time to be divided.Their actions can only harm our country. The best way to help the American people is not through bipartisan bickering, secession, or the general lack of cooperation that runs rampant in our country. The best and only way to help the American people is by continuing to be "one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
We the undersigned implore the Administration to do everything in its power to keep our nation united.
Yet another asks Obama to force any seceding states to pay back their shares of the federal debt. It has gained 3,196 signatures:
Force all states to pay their portion of the national debt before they can secede from the union
Residents of all states who wish to secede from the union should be required to take their own advice about 'personal responsibility', and pay their share of the national debt before being released to fend for themselves.
This debt must be paid in full, or they cannot leave.
This means no federal assistance, period.
Abridged list includes no more upkeep for highways, nor for interstates or bridges, no federally funded law enforcement or fire department, no public libraries, no phone lines, no cable television, no cell phone towers, no power grids, no water lines, no mail services, no paramedics, no hospitals which accept Medicare/Medicaid funding, no ATF, FBI, DOJ, SWAT, or Department of Homeland Security, no Border Guard, National Guard, Coast Guard, Corps of Engineers, or WITSEC