The iPhone and iPad can’t cure your acne. So says the FTC, which earlier this year pulled an app that promised an acne cure acne off the market.
In the “there’s an app for that” age, off-the-wall applications promising to cure phobias, rate sexual prowess or soothe achy muscles are up for grabs in the app store. Do they work? Who knows. But that distinction doesn’t stop app designers from making those claims.
Below is a look at some of the more unusual apps on the market for the iPhone and iPad. You can judge for yourself if they’re worth your time and money:
- Arachnophobics with $2.99 can get over their fears of spiders through exposure, according to the “Fear of Spiders” application. People who cower at the sight of the eight-legged invertebrates are provided with a vast library of pictures of spiders, helping cure them of their apprehensions. Developer and Poland-based psychotherapist Justyna Maciaszek recommends users pair the app with psychotherapy. “You don’t have to come into contact with the real object of your fear. You can just see it on this new technology,” Maciaszek said. She also has two other apps to help users get over their fear of flying and visiting the dentist, she said.
- For those looking to improve their prowess between the sheets, the “Passion” app uses the iPhone’s microphone and accelerometer features to generate a rating that will tell you whether you’re a sex stud or a dud. “All you have to do is start the application, put your iPhone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have intercourse, it is as easy as that,” the application promises. (And fork over 99 cents.) Once users have finished their business, they press a button on the app that rates their skill on a scale of 1-10 and shows how they fare relative to other users. Lesson learned if you’re solely judging yourself on the Passion app? Be loud.
Aspiring psychics can hone their extra sensory perception powers with the Brain Waves app. More than 80 brain wave sound recordings come in this free app, which reviewers claim has also cured anxiety and provided lucid dreams. “I have been using the ESP/Psychic Isochronic from the date of purchase, morning night and anywhere in-between,” a reviewer named Peter wrote. “I give my thanks to you because I am starting to experience ESP/Psychic effects.” If you fancy yourself the next John Edward or Miss Cleo, there’s nothing to lose.
If you find yourself sitting near someone putting their vibrating iPhone in places they shouldn’t, perhaps they’re just using the “Massage Me” App. For 99 cents, the iPhone will vibrate nonstop while you work out those extra kinks on your body, allowing you to “slip into a state of blissful relaxation,” according to the Apple Store description. The iPhone-turned-massager was developed by an engineer while he underwent physical therapy for his right arm. The app promises built-in safety features so your iPhone won’t be overworked.
Feeling self conscious in a public bathroom? Look no further than the 99 cent Bathroom Fan app. The name is a bit misleading, as some reviewers claimed, but the app’s developer said it’s designed to provide a little more privacy in public restrooms — creating a noise to drown out some of those not so pleasant bathroom noises. “Don’t turn on the faucet and waste water ever again. People know what you’re trying to do and it just makes you look worse,” the description of the app says. “This is great for us insecure Americans who are uncomfortable with body noises,” one reviewer wrote.