'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone' author Lori Gottlieb

Lori gives Michael and Sara behind-the-scenes secrets your therapist never reveals.
5:40 | 04/09/19

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Transcript for 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone' author Lori Gottlieb
book, "Maybe you should talk to gives us the behind the scenes secrets your therapist never spills. Please welcome Lori Gottlieb. Hi, Lori. Hi. When we talk about therapy, I think everyone has their idea of what that means, but you have an interesting way of describing it to people. Yeah. I think it's a little like pornography, both involved a kind of nude, both have the potential to thrill and most people who are in therapy aren't admitting it. I think there's something about getting emotionally naked with somebody. The problem is people don't talk about being in therapy. You know people get emotionally naked with you because they open up to you all the time. But in this book, you open up in your own therapist and in turn open up to your own audience. There are two themes in the book. We grow in connection with others and we are more of the same than different. I think when people know they're talking to a regular person, it makes easier for them to talk about their own emotional struggles. Well, even therapists have emotional blind spots. Things you can't see in your own life. Therapists need therapy, too. They do. They do. But people tend to speak to their therapist without any filter. A patient of yours, referred to as John who has some unflattering names for you. He does, this is a guy who says to me in our first session he doesn't want to his wife to know that he's going to therapy, he's going to hand me a wad of cash at the end of the session. You'll be like mistress. Actually, you wouldn't be the type of person I picked as my mistress but more of my hooker. He wouldn't run into his own colleagues in the waiting room. So, you think this is a very undesirable person to see. I think people are using these things to protect themselves. It's a way -- I don't take it personally. It's a way of coping with something that's very unmanageable. When we find out the tragedy and drama of his life, we kind of come to like him. And you've said dating a therapist is like dating a CIA agent. Right, right. It's a little weird running into your therapist in the real it's kind of like, running into your first grade teacher when you're a kid and they're in best Buy and they're in like cutoff shorts with their family and you're like, wait, you don't live in the classroom? We have to protect our patient's confidentiality. So if I see someone out in the world I don't say hi first. I don't want the person they're with, who is that? Like, how do you know her. You've had some awkward encounters with some of your patients in public. I have. I know so much about them and they don't anything about me. It's a little bit embarrassing when say you're in trader Joe's I ran into a patient. I had this cart full of cookies and ice cream, is she judging me? Sounds like my weekend. Or I ran into somebody in the bra department of a department store. The woman was like, hey ma'am, here's your miracle bra in 34a. That's really embarrassing. Bringing the nudities together. . Yeah, exactly, exactly. The interesting thing when you talk about people not wanting to address you in public empowering if people were a little bit more open. If I saw my dentist, I would say he's my dentist. If people were my casual, that's my therapist, it would help a little bit with the stigma that kind of -- That's my dentist, I'm going to fight him. Try saying that to your therapist. You also talked about searching for a therapist after a breakup, you were looking for validation. Don't sweetie, you were in the right. Yeah, you're always the one you're right. I have been in therapy before. That is relatable. I think we want our therapist to take our side and back us up. But that wouldn't do us any good. I talk about in the book the difference between idiot compassion and wise compassion. Idiot compassion is what we do with our friends. You know, someone says my boss is a jerk, you're right, your boss is a jerk and we don't help to see a pattern they're in. In therapy we hold up a mirror to people and we really want to say here are our blind spots and honesty is going to help them much more in the long term. People are going to therapy, considering going to therapy. How can they maximize their time? We have a saying that therapy. You can have all of the awareness in the world but if you don't make changes out in the world, the insight is useless. Coming to therapy I'm going to spend an hour with this person and then I'm going to leave and just do the same things I always did out in the world. We want them to take the information that they get in therapy and walk the walk, do the things that they talked about out in the world so they are making changes. Because that would be like going on treadmill and then eating whatever you want the rest of the day. It's kind of counterproductive. Right, right.

This transcript has been automatically generated and may not be 100% accurate.

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