Cracking the 'Confidence Code'

A new book looks at the differences between men and women when it comes to confidence.
4:23 | 04/14/14

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Transcript for Cracking the 'Confidence Code'
Down to that question, our "Gma" flash poll. What's more important to success, confidence or or competence? Some surprising answers in a new book "The confidence code" and Claire takes a look when it comes to men and women and confidence. Why are you not running for office? I don't want to lose. Reporter: Those familiar feelings, a disquieting lack of confidence, even at the highest level. So you could say as a woman I believe -- No, no, no, no. No, I can't identify myself as a many would. People can't to that. Reporter: In real life we think we know it when we see it. Timid, shy. You see it in posture. You can see it in people's faces. Low elf esteem. Not being prepared. Reporter: But our lack of confidence is hidden in common workplace habits with damaging consequences. Women won't seek promotions unless they feel they have close to 100% of the qualifications. Men will go it with with just 60%. When men and women take a test and receive similar score, the women always predict they performed much worse than they have. The men tend to think they've done better. Women when in the minority talk up to 75% less than men do. That nugget caught my attention. For years I had an inkling I wasn't talking as much as the men on political programs. What's interesting about those polls -- I did a quick comparison of the my self-editing got me 30% less talk time on air than the men. Wow. So I owe you an apology. 30% less. No, the point is it's not you. It's me. It was self-editing. It's something women do sometimes. "A," trying to be polite, "B," trying to be perfectly prepare snider we did 2k3we9 the ruts. What's more important, confidence or competence, right down the middle. 51%, confidence, 49% said competence. You explained one part why. What is the other? We dug deep. First the definition of confidence which is critical. What turns our thoughts into action. And if you start to think about that for women, why aren't we acting? Some of it is science. We were surprised. Our brains do work differently. It's controversial but it's true. Women tend to human Nate more. Testosterone really encouraging risk-taking in men but also find it's society, the playing field is not level. That's hard for us to deal with and there's some things we're doing in raising our girls that aren't ideal. A lot behind it. A lot behind it. You mentioned about the upbringing, in that last part. Can you expand? I was surprised. We're all enkourpging our girls to do everything they can do now but we're raising them to be too perfect. The perfectionism thing is a killer for girls. They're not learning to fail. They're not taking risks. Boys do that all the time. Little boys do it all the time. You asked moo he to take your confidence quiz so I was feeling very confident as I was taking your confidence quiz and apparently I'm not so confident. You're middle in confidence. I know, it surprised me. We have a confidence quiz online we developed with some psychologists. Look, a lot of women aren't as confident as they think, but it's not necessarily about -- Which gives us confidence. Some of it is just about maybe your attitude toward risk-taking much maybe you human Nate too much. Things we're not thinking about. That could be. If we have a couple of seconds I want to go back to the parenting thing. Anything specific that we can stop doing or do for our girls. Teach them to fail a lot and let them be authentic. Not worry so much -- How do you say, come on, Kate, fail today? Embrace their failure. Don't worry so much if they've had a great game, fine. So what if they lost. If they get a bad grade on a test -- Don't try to help them be perfect because girls try to do that all the time. I had a great coach would said to us because we were playing a team so much better. He would say attitude more so than aptitude will -- altitude. And people -- Confidence over competence. That's right. That will be your next book. No, no, no. I've got that. It is a great read. You'll get us off the sidelines

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