Transcript for Michelle Wolf performs stand-up routine at White House Correspondent's dinner
She's not really a political comedian by training she's not of Washington. But of Tony sixteen taught us anything it's that we should be listening to more people outside of Washington. And if 2017 taught us and the thing is hey. That means women. So without further a do. Please welcome Michelle wealth. I RA this is mom this is the long. Good evening. Diddy and here we got the White House cooler behind and then Aaron. Like the clients are then Lindsay the bad and that's with the trump let it is overly. And get into night and minutes get and Arnold pleasantries were at a Hilton and it's not nice. This designed seats and no one watches that trump his bread and it's not I DL him. Why don't like it by association thank you for having me them. Fish was fine. Every mine I'm here to make junk. I have no I Jen that I'm not trying to get anything at comp last. Everyone it's here from congress you should feel right and come. Now on fire lit up about me allowed you might not now lying am. Ang 32 years all of which is in hiding aids. Ten years too young to host this event in twenty years still growing mar. Hang out ailment that I'll exit yeah. It was fun it was fun. I never liked that idea comedian but they did take an absentee check in seventh grade and is in the hunt him presents trail. I did an absentee dads in seventh grade and it fed my best professional as a clown or my. And then my enlightenment like my name. My thought you might want me Seattle. And eighteen and I don't want me and say you may not sat. You might well in Miami 130 dampen down it. My you can find me and then now under my porn star name rank breed that. Francis gave a thumbs up okay pass. Nabih. Imagine a more divided and then at bear but I. No matter what you support politically we can all agree that this is a great time for craft store. Big and that's not. Well there Barton had been flying up this yeah. And Robert Mueller and today you in the Dina. They did not pink yarn sales aren't through their growth. After Sam got elected women started knitting knows plenty yeah one. I met them. I get mine isn't clamoring are not it. Sid and Marty thank you have Horry got it did it. It. Yeah. Yeah I am so glad to Dunbar I can't get everything. I no other no lad of people that let me attack about a rash and prudent and collusion. But I'm not gonna do that. Because there's also a lot of liberal media he Arendt. And I never really wanted to know what any of you look like when your dad I'm. I did something laying dead. Yeah that's all the time we have. David did trump campaign within contact with the rash act. When they Hillary campaign wasn't even in contact when Michigan. Here you haven't noted that he's not here and now I now island dragged him here my belt. But it's that the president the United States is the one put your Nile have been grabbed. Now. Let me lab exam inane but I haven't read. Getting credit when he deserves that. Like people have the parents agreement. And I think he should get credit for that could eat that he was gonna pull out and then he did and that's a refreshing Claudine a man. Mud man I am burned down. Game next yeah. And is going to be in and. He let them romances didn't. And the tang. Emma I'm not from rate hit dammit acting is there Xena bad parents stable hiring competent Danner aimed at it and and and he doesn't care. Cent in. Brad and me I have the threatening in a new land in a way that I think we'll really get them. May every. I don't think your favorite acts. He remains in I. But in New York you're dealing bank. And still watch and do want to be a millionaire and thing me. I'm imagine he'd get very fact he didn't like that very question in India it I have to opponents oxen threatened. I knew in advance bank and then they'd sound is so proud. And you guys. Hal brown and paying. Our rank. Brown. Yeah I failed business plan. It L brown. You are foreign ally telling Diane junior's hair. No ground. He does let you timid one of their engines. Yeah it does now but it does that show why did she doubted though is. It felt proud. Today. And may he. And now I haven't I cannot think that about a black man got clearance by the government labs of that rep. And I it. Paying it's a fun game. Great about. You can land originally amber or not they. Now and not feel white Nationalists is like kind of credit violent kid Brandon. Higher Harvey Weinstein a ladies man. We didn't really gang beyond the likes. Plan. The idea that I need that load them I DN you got eleven reenact. He want begin teachers die. And I support it. Good then they can now that everything they need like the black. Want them to be in PS I do not. And you think about you remember where my. What happens when Anderson Cooper is in today. My and that address is is deep and then brings more news and things. My. Name and I sure why he thinks abortion is merit act which the not not get to you drank. I am really not yet. You know I eat I get that baby and a man. And and scary you can ground you lie and I know a lot of you are very anti am Laurie see and you know unless it's the one you got for your secret mr. Renton. I have and can only bear. But Denver area. And might. The widow about he's a weird. A guy. Mile of the other women with added white bread. When he oppressed or that their right Chris me but now on the current climate and like that deadly in the. Grace. And meet. It rally the reason I'm he act there like a law is rather an advantage Eric got in front of many on Friday. And to that I say done Bryant again. The eleventh hour if it. Now. A lot of male dominated he had the part comedy and a right to edit tech pumping me in the point that I worked on Wall Street. And I think I've never really didn't actually her act. I didn't wreck embarrassed and indeed d'antoni. Thought I haven't been actually Herat I've deadly. Yet I don't company went down on me without my consent. And no men get and telegraph Melanie them. Nothing then changing mannered being counted down a ball. You rack Al Franken look out and that one really apparently have broad. The great Ted Kennedy whose bed will play the I matter no one. Send athletic impeded them. I joked about cabinet members but add to scrap all of those because everyone has been by. You kind of cat and members cricket in Starbucks throw that black people. And they had been having an afternoon. Now I'm it up we just needed an afternoon. Not even here and Hank yet have for hiring gauge men he finally getting his next start comes dying. I. Couldn't make it. Of course we've already been there and back pain and courts anyway there are down and they also took his bomb. Yeah my pop. Great acting in the video. Eden Maine I have you know I've liked sitting position and Chris script date. But they and Democrat. Ben. Didn't make fun and be good yeah I don't you know. Anything. Happened and ended November Abby. Finally cemented at the bank twelve points to a guy named Jeff Metafile not the doctor. Believe the doctor. We. Have the women and then tramp administration then it. There's Kelly and time blame. Man she had the prep pig Latin name for what he does. Yeah. It in my name my Michelle jokes pretty hairs mountain. Yet and you should. Why. Do you don't get our platforms he had nowhere don't die. It's like I don't paying imagery Bob in the law that. Hand under that turning. She apparent dip dot. And yeah. Entry in the lion did got rid definition of barn. Nearly all have acting. I'm not that. She. And advocate for women but it. Did help eliminate an empty back to camp. That I women. And I like father like daughter. How are you don't think he's good in bed combine. I doubt about it cleaned up ninth. He's the diaper genie of the administration. I'm yeah I love Lee but in fact it still bullish yet. And keep and then we are great food there at red beans tonight. I have to say I'm a little tired Stratton I love you can't Liddy and a handmade tail and my. 188 you led lab that. Accepted about EMI did say it'd be dead I'm really here over again again. Now I've read everything bunch of lies are divided in the stock quality. It's. Been busy and don't read well it's Tim and got out. Like dad I think she's very restored. But Steve Burns fat. Ending seasoned vet asked to green up big monkey act. Like maybe she's barn event. Maybe it's lag. Family and I. Let them go out there have to be. And there you now I think it bears fan and didn't Sarah Huckabee and very did it hasn't had to be it fit into you have to beat sandbags quite. And her white women you disappoint other white lion man. Look ahead. Mean I ended in any and welcome back the great didn't have been out. You're breaking hand. And you did say he broke. Good night. May and CNN and many Anthony board game tell me where to eat new. You know and lady coming a day care. Fear in thinking. Shanahan eighty and I but I cannot do you can. Business dinners for Jared Allen. We've NDP here. And plug in and didn't really. Now I did and. You're not think that that bell on NBC and Cobb. And this is really. Hot and every one guy. Mornings now every morning we now know that meat and you know hiring gains sting graduates in as you guys and it's like lamb made similar app. Or we re I'm really not about race so mad now she did the B and a and that then beat me. And it never crying that she never get the blind. Like minded target. You win over Melba you averaged camp can't go in the entire history of the Byzantine empire. Didn't. And and I. And I am making downing. You know Bradley be more proud of women. Anything million and I NDP an NDP didn't let Maine go out of the winner Olympic. Why now she's a white called and it and then she might as well be the winner Olympics. Hey Santa glass. The weird all I Don January billowed Riley. My flew on addiction and. Britney and at that time you guys back and after Britney Hanson. Got to illegal act and endangered BP it. The bank thinkers. News. Rang out a lot of buying time and we have a hobby tiny four hour news networks. And we could be covering everything. But instead recovering like three tapping. Every hour it strap rash and Hillary and a panel of four people other reminds you why you don't go home for Thanksgiving. Milk comes from not now all because of the gate. That would Tehran did you did do eight. Because you aren't you make him back. Israel wants to admit it that try it helped all of you know. He date. They're not or water Connolly injured Ty is there air act. But well you know he'd pap is that your paper junior blew up in your TV. You created this monster and now you're profiting happen at him. And it got up and grab you meet them Manny be that he got paid. Any. And. Yeah. It might just paint and then. Yeah. Hand and didn't do anything around. And.
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