Transcript for Former 'Bachelor' Colton Underwood speaks his truth and comes out as gay
This half hour, we are going to begin with what robin you had a very powerful interview you want to share with Colton Underwood. We all remember him from his season with cassie, the two ultimately ending their relationship and now he has some news he'd like to share. That's what people remember him most about, his relationship with cassie, but Colton and I sat down for a deeply personal conversation about something that's been weighing on him for a very long time. Like so many this past year was a time of deep reflection. Colton, thank you for this opportunity to sit down with you. Is there something that you want people to know, so can you tell us what is on your heart you want to share. Yeah. Obviously like this year's been a lot for a lot of people and it's probably made a lot of people look themselves in the mirror and figure out who they are and what they've been running from or putting off in their lives and for me, I've ran from myself for a long time. I've hated myself for a long time and I'm gay and I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it and the next step in all of this was sort of letting people know. Still nervous but, yeah, it's been a journey for sure. I can see the joy. I can see the relief. I'm emotional but I'm emotional in such a good, happy, positive way. I'm like the happiest and healthiest I've ever been in my life and that means the world to me and, yeah. What was that moment like for you that gave you the courage to speak your truth as you are I got into a place for me in my personal life that was dark and bad and I can list a bunch of different things but they'd all be excuses but I think overall the reason why now is because I got to a place where I didn't think I was ever going to share this. I would have rather died than say I'm gay and I think that was sort of my wake-up call. Did you ever think about harming yourself? Yeah. There was a moment in L.A. That I woke up and I didn't think I was going to wake up. I didn't have the intentions of waking up and I did. And I think for me that was like my wake-up call, I'm like, this is your life. Take back control. And I think looking back even beyond that is like even just suicidal thoughts and, you know, driving my car close to a cliff like, oh, if this goes off the cliff it's not that big of a deal. I don't feel that anymore. The former bachelor walking in his truth while also realizing that his fans and the women he dated on the show may have questions. So many people were cheering you on and wanting you to find love and now they may feel that you misled the public and misled those women from that season. Yep. How do you address people who feel that way. I would understand why they think that way and I mean I thought a lot about this too of do I regret being the bachelor and do I regret handling it the way that I did? I do. I do think I could have handled it better. I'll say that. How so? I just -- I just wish I wouldn't have dragged people into my own mess of figuring out who I was. I genuinely mean that. But I also at the same time like but I can sit here and say I'm sorry to all those women and can also say thank you because witht them and without the bachelor franchise, I don't know if like this would have ever came out. Colton also sharing a message for cassie, the woman he jumped the fence for on "The bachelor." Open the fence, guys. Reporter: Their relationship ending tumultuously last year, cassie filing and dropping a restraining order against him. I would like to say sorry for how things ended. I messed up. I made a lot of bad choices. Were you in love with cassie? Yes. I mean, it not only made it harder and more confusing for me, if I'm being honest, I loved everything about her and it's hard for me to articulate exactly what my emotions were in going through that relationship with her was, because I obviously had an internal fight going on. I would just say that I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry for any pain and emotional stress I caused. I wish it wouldn't have happened the way it did. I wish that I would have been courageous enough to fix myself before I broke anybody else. A weight now lifted as he steps into his full self after a lifelong personal battle with his sexuality, a truth he previously denied. I literally remember praying to god the morning I found out that I was a bachelor and thanking him for making me straight. I remember that vividly of saying, like, finally you're letting me be straight. Finally you're giving me a wife, a fiancee and then I'm going to have the kids then I'm going to have the house and have all this. I've known that I've been different since the age of 6 and couldn't process it and couldn't figure out what it was when I was a freshman in high school when I knew I was gay and by that time I had already grown up in the catholic church, I have gone to catholic grade school, I had learned in the bible that gay is a sin. I had made mistakes in my sports and my athletic career and when you make mistakes, that play was gay or gay was always affiliated with a connotation of negativity and I think there's a lot of things when I look back I'm like no wonder I held it in. Some of the people you've told are the very people that as you said like you played football with or friends who used a negative term. Yeah. About being gay and when you came out to them, what was their response? You know, I've had -- I've had sort of a range of responses and the underlining most common one was almost like I wish you would have told me sooner and when I hear that, I wish I would have had fifth in my friends and family a little more. My dad, I told him and his reaction was sort of the same, I wish you would have trusted me sooner but then he followed it up with, how can I help you? How can I help fake this off your plate? Who can I tell? That was more meaningful than I love you. The only reason I'm sitting down is because I have the love and support of my friends and family. And his dad was there for an interview yesterday sharing every emotion with his son saying how proud he is of him and, you know, for him to admit like he's not trying to make any excuses for his behavior and said anything he could say things but it would just be seen as excuses but flat out said he should have been courageous enough to fix himself before he broke anybody else and before dragging other people into as he put it his mess but -- 20/20. Sincerely absorbed all those lessons. Really taken the time and owning up to it and to have the family support because it's not that way for everyone especially coming from football and his catholic background. And can you imagine how tough it was for him to come out and do it publicly with you, so courageous, my hat's off to him. He has much more he wants to share and much more of that interview with Colton in our next hour. Thank you, gentlemen. Coming up next here a break in a nearly 25-year-old cold case. 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Gwen: My son didn't ask for much. Respect. To be treated like a man. To get that arm off of his neck. He didn't get it. That ache will be with me always. Our community is aching now. That's why I want Ray Mcguire as Mayor. He'll stand up for us. And he won't stand for injustice or inequity. It takes strength to lift a city. And if we're going to make a comeback... We need someone who's got our back. We are back with major developments in the cold case of Kristin smart. The college student would went missing nearly 25 years ago. Two men have been arrested including a fellow student last seen with her and police are crediting a podcast with the break in the case. Amy has the details. Good morning, Amy. Reporter: That's right. After years of calling Paul flores a prime suspect, police finally arrested had imfor murder. His father Ruben arrested as an accessory to murder and this morning, a search on his property for Kristin's body as her family hopes to finally find closure. This morning, Paul flores waking up behind bars accused of murdering college student Kristin smart nearly 25 years ago. Flores has been under suspicion since smart disappeared back in may of 1996. He was the last person spotted with the 19-year-old seen walking her home from a party at California polytech state university in San Luis obispo the night she went missing? Paul remained as a person of interest and as the case progressed became a suspect and the prime suspect of the case. Detectives secured a court order authorizing the interception and monitoring of Paul flores' cell phone and text messages. Reporter: On Tuesday police arresting Paul's father, Ruben, as an accessory searching the 80-year-old's property last month with cadaver dogs and using ground penetrating radars. Police say they found evidence there, but have still not found her body.
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