Transcript for Dating guru Matthew Hussey's top 3 things to do on a date
Our next guest is a go-to dating coach for millions of women around the world including Christina Aguilera and Eva Longoria. He's helped them find love, now it's our turn. Please welcome international dating guru and "New York Times" best selling author Matthew Hussey. What an introduction. I wrote it myself. I got to ask you why is dating so difficult these days? Because we're all portraying ourself in 2d on a screen. Attraction happens in three dimensions. Three dimensions when you speak to someone and hear their voice and see the way they animate. We're not seeing that anymore. That's a big problem. Now we're forced to tell our story in a far shorter time. Monta is looking for love and needs Matthew's help. Please give a warm welcome to Monta. How you doing, Monta? Good. How are you? I'm awesome. Tell us about your dating history. I've been dating online for about three years. The issue that I think I'm having the most is that I go for the men who are intelligent, successful, ambitious. Most of the time they're not the ones looking for long-term committed relationships? Seriously? Not very intelligent then. Right. What am I doing wrong? Is it the type of men I'm picking are the wrong ones? Or her profile. Maybe it's the profile. When I saw your profile, this stood out to me because if you're looking for someone who is intelligent, ambitious, but you say wants to build an empire together, that immediately as a guy either intimidates me and makes me think that sounds like a lot of work. Or it makes me think this is someone who is looking for someone who is financially in a certain position. I would be looking -- I don't believe that's what you're saying. What you're saying is you want a teammate. A partner on the same level of me. There's a more fun way of you're saying what you want. I would like to see what you can give. It doesn't have to be too complicated. If you wrote finds books sexy, that does more for me than this line does. If you say finds books sexy, you're saying you value growth, you value learning and you like reading. Sexy is an important word there. I'm creating desire language there. I'm showing -- I'm also someone who has a bit of spice, bit of sass. I find books sexy. I've done so much in three words to communicate who I am and what I have to offer. Now I'm going to attract a different kind of person. That's awesome. Thank you. I love that. We want to take a few looks at the profile and the texts. Do you have some texts? The text? Yeah, right there. Let's get into it. This is just so you know this is bringing back memories. I started with a segment on TV about my dating profile and I met my husband on the site I did that. There's something to be said about getting some help. Now pay real attention. Here's interesting. You said are you just a flirt or is there more to you? Now he sounds like a jerk. I hate this guy. Are you a Debby downer? Oh, no. I don't want to help you get this guy. You said you have to be more than a flirt to find out. He said you're a lot to deal with. I get that a lot. I don't want to teach you to get this guy. I want to point out what's the intention behind what you're saying here? You're saying are you just a flirt or is there more to you. You want to see if there's more to him. Instead of asking is there more to you which is slightly antagonistic. You're asking him to prove I want you to tell more of your Guys are insane. It's different language. I had someone say to me what are you up to? She said I'm building a desk from IKEA with my family. None of us can do it. We're rolling around laughing. That showed me so much about who she was. She's a family person. She's silly and playful. I actually like those things. If I responded with, cool, what are you wearing while you're putting together the desk? Then it's like, okay, there's only one thing to me. You find out more about yourself. I get what you mean. There's a theme. Kind of take ownership of what you're putting out and less about what you're seeking. Exactly that. All right. Now hopefully with the success of the online profile you get to can you give us three tips she can use on a date? Yes. I'll give you these quick. They're going to be very simple. The first one is position yourself for connection. When you're sitting with a guy one of the worst things people do is sit across from someone at dinner. Now there's an awkward silence. It's really awkward because I'm starring at you eating. The best thing you could do, go sit at the bar. Now we're at a bar. We're sitting like this. We can look out into the room. We want a little cheeky touch, we can. Across the table that's awkward. We have to like reach over in a weird way. Isn't it weird when you walk into a restaurant and people are like this? You're like what are you talking about? It's kind of cute. No. You don't have to be here. You could be here. You have the connection. Even on a first date? Yes. Position yourself for more connection. The second thing ask why questions after the what questions. Small talk if you think about it is the what questions. What movies do you love? Where do you like going? Where do you come from? That's a resume. You don't want to know someone's you want to know their soul. You get to know your soul with the why questions. I love it. I'm entertained by your facial expressions constantly. You can say to someone he says what movie he likes, why? He says where he likes going on vacation, why? That gets you to connect on a deeper level. The last thing is talk about what you love. Talking about what you love is a way to be positive and be vulnerable. You're revealing things about yourself. It doesn't have to be just big it can be little things too. I love going to the movies and pigging out on every food. When you talk passionately about the things you love, you show who you really are instead of this cool facade that everyone else is doing. I love that. Monta, would you be willing to test some of this out on a date? We got a guy we want to set
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