Transcript for '10% Happier' with Jewel, singer-songwriter, actress
It's Dan welcome to another edition of the 10% happier podcasts. This week my guest is jewel. We may have heard of on the radio as several. Tens of millions of people have and hurtful land jewel Kirchner my getting errant. What it says it. Culture. I get that's so wrong. We forgive me usual us and it's never said get over everything attempt and W person as your last what's likely one of the few people the world who can go by one day. If I mean names slightly credible you know from Barbie to hopefully you know whatever singer songwriter and held ended this. I mean I'm willing. You're insane or an Oprah share. I don't know wells goes and aired piety FR CD that was put you at a party. Anyway so so you have there are thousands of things to discuss review. But this is that I cast a sensibly about meditation and a lot of people don't know that this has been a big part of and a movie part of your life so wanna wanna get into that means that although I was I have to say that I was. Listening some of your music getting ready for this and it jest I hadn't. Heard what's the correct L and MI I want to save your soul and lascivious I will save yourself policy kissel who will say these are expert as Hannity dogmatic yes I think. That's I'm does that mean everything. Throughout ethnic problems. It just transport me back to what I was in my twenties that rice sitting in a cafe in. Portland Maine with us. Bad flannel on because it's Matt. Dead Dylan war won in singles. You know immediately is so powerful. Right back there must be such a great feeling to know that your music. Had such resonance for so many people. It was an amazing thing that record as he looks into what it did. On I was raised in Alaska McKenna were pioneers they helped settle the state before it was a state they were on the last ship that left Germany for the Second World War. Hiked over glaciers ten and that this beautiful 300 acre piece of property that the government gave the Nazi promised not to die for a whole winter. And and I was raised on this homestand and mom left I was age he just an aunt bee and on and my dad took her rating has made at had a really bad PT SD he had had an abusive childhood. And then he went to Vietnam and so my mom left was incredibly countered that those words didn't exist and and to turn to drinking to try non Medicaid his feelings and I took over my mom's place and so it turns singing 5% parents and hotel it would act. They had they had an act saying and hotels for tourists the dinner shadow. So my mom left my deadline became an act such her the only fourth rid of that wood elementary school rate to the bar. And I had an up Perot CE and I watched people handled pain he has an eight year old and want to people used relationships. Drugs and alcohol to try nom and Medicaid feelings. And as a girl who wasn't looked after her because my cat began drinking and being abusive. Once the divorce happened is he's trying to sell Medicaid his own pain and anxiety and trauma. I start watching how people handle pain almost like I'm in trouble. And I was able to see a very specific example day after day after day that you can't outrun paint it doesn't work. Give original amount of pain and an Easter covering up pain with avoidance tactics. And knowledge this is at mar peninsula. And none mr. Billy to experience the full range of emotions. And for young girlish and look up her safety and Barnes who precarious situations. I needed my feelings need my wits about me because if we're like a car your alarm systems are feeling that tell you. When you're doing okay her intuition your gut tell you when something's out of the line. If you can stay in touch with your feelings can stay sensitive institute they can't she stay safe. But people often think is unsafe for I have armor but it actually does is it kills her bullet had joy and experienced joy in your life. So at eight dated at an amber drink do drugs and trying face painting came and I came up with this eighteen he can't outrun pains to try and face it. And it turns to writing which was my first mind on this practice. And then noticed every time he's had found her right calmer. Thoughtless anxiety and it took the edge off just enough for growth what does with a divorced mom just left and dad just became abusive alcoholic at plenty of anxiety. On the things you lessened or Tammy wrote and later as they developed this practice of writing it was like having bread crumbs back to my real self. Because as you grow up and things get more complex as you get older your relationship that now again got worse. I always was able to see the truth when I wrote anesthetic called the observer and so ended up having great philosophy teacher it was very Camry moved around a lot but. Pirate day car he said I think their for an anti could Alter that just slightly. I would take perceived what I think their 400%. And I realize that the perceive themselves. And something other than his hat and the observer it's. I think prisons even perceive them anxious and something other than anxious and the receiver of anxious. And I got to be very curious who is the observer you know what is observing my thoughts so Google backed the idea of your body is a car. As an analogy. You're bringing isn't the driver it's the steering wheel so your observer. Your reserving your brain that's the driver. And so I'm dead at fifteen I knew statistically kids like me into repeating the cycle that their raced by swimming new statistically. As an independent ditch or on the pole. Or on drugs from an abusive relationship in short order because that's the emotional language that I was taught a college emotional English. I wanted to learn new emotional English edition of school to go to you for that and state began very consciously fifteen. With this task. When I called my happiness project of Kenny rewire my programming. This and that made me think about it was a bunny that we had growing up it's seen as caramel. It was raised chickens and it never knew it was a bunny so since it was a tiny be be and you repay it with chicken coop to to see this place the baby rabbit and Alaska. And it would picket foods like chicken and while Arnold didn't hop normal and as it grew up that would Leon announced for the hands and actually hatching eggs. And when I moved at fifteen kind of port side meet of that what is a bunny that thinks it's a chicken Lake Powell Evernote my real binding nature and nurture with soap. So if you look at nature vs nurture you didn't receive could nurture how can you get to your real nature. So those are the things that Hirsch trying to figure out and began to read a Lawton experiment line and look around her mentors and developed exercises for myself. And get myself I paid rent from each 59 through Q school. He graduated school and went for pretty good parents and meeting parents high school on scholarship. Incredibly anxious all of its net the school is in Michigan. I was there on a vocal scholarship. And I sort of writing songs because you weren't allowed to coats to stand campus for spring break. I couldn't afford to get back to Alaska accept me money. And so I decided I would hitchhike across the country industries saying in seeing it states and I learned to play guitar for that. Aspects reiterating earlier X about what I was seeing around me. And most pivotal as the first song actually ever rhetoric when I was sixteen. As I was hopping trains and hope going in street singing and I was just making a clear X about pop culture and American culture and hero worship. In Alaska it's just very different from America normal pop culture is very separate and in how television cracked up and am radio growing up. And I noticed this idea of people wind is victim takes him he'll see me. And answered asked this question when chief myself I sort having panic attacks I was sixteen. Which if anybody others have had a panic attack cure brain literally goes off clients that she can watch a brain scan of somebody having Thomas you know. The triggering episode. The brain drained out of here processing center and goes all your better place here that illegal offline. As I started creating tools to help myself to remembering back online. And then when I was homeless at eighteen it turned down the advances of a boss. When I wouldn't sleep with him Hinton paycheck containment rents are living in my car didn't think it would last that long. But then a car stolen and had bad kidneys I was sick all the time I almost died in the emergency parking lot of an emergency room which they wouldn't scenic city insurance program illegal but I'm probably not legal that's what went down. A doctor ended up seeing the turned away and he saved my life by getting the antibiotics and has does his carton he treated me for free and saved my life. But that tying it up homeless and I was homes for a year and I started shoplifting a lot. My panic attacks came up with incredible force registered to be in court Filbeck. Brett couldn't leave the street corner I was on it and the car that I was living and without thinking this can be stricken by illness you know completely irrationally. And I was an Amir one day in a dressing room trying to steal address. And I looked at myself and went. How I feel I'm statistic. I didn't beat the odds you know fifteen and I set out to not be a statistic in three short years later. Ali can to a grinding halt and I was a statistic I was gonna depend jailer dead in short order. And so I went back to mine the word mind this was even around Acton that it went back to this idea of how can look at nature vs nurture and rewire my brain. And I noticed that the brings addictive and noticed as I looked through my journals and her writing this I was very dictates negative thought and I remember this quote by Buddha. That happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have it depends and we think. And I had the distinct distinct pleasure of having only what a potluck had no family no house no food nothing to distract me if you will. I was along with my thoughts and so I decided to figure out what was I thinking. And that's our went back through my journals and I was shocked at how negative I was and I learned about fear that year and how fears this thief that. Takes the past and projects it into the future. And it rob she the only opportunity you have to actually change your life which is rape now. And that's the most powerful moment he's half human beings and that's what separates us from the animals and being homeless I felt reduce needed being animal because every moment was how to be safe how to get food how to get water how to shelter period. It nighttime actually physically manifest spot be creative. And give it could change in your life he actually have to be present enough not enough you're cycle so you can do something different today than you did yesterday. Until I started observing. My thoughts and I didn't know how to first because it and how of the skills that. Such are watching my hands because your hands of the servants afterthought. If you want him thinking just what are your hands are doing 'cause it's your actions your thoughts flew down into action. So every time I started to steal something at person could even stop to behavior edged watched weeks to do it. And then I was able to start to go oh yeah I'm doing it but can't stop it and then a typical I want to you but still can't stop it and I was able to go well I want to and I can intervene. And it was my mind when this practice and detection Wiren hit hands and that being hit yours later that it was about my hands and watching my hand and when I first and let's exercises. So you were. You were. At living this you know we had taught you might he came to it on your own yeah I was just trying to you know necessity is the mother of all invention and so I tried to come up with exercises that helped me over common very strategically the problems I was experiencing so. For panic attacks for instance. Face to have a meditation and made up. Where was on a very turbulent ocean. Nobody told panic attacks right night it was happening to sixteen at boarding school I could feel them coming on. You've ever had a panic attack till script I can there awful. And but I can feel them coming on an environment and get the ball all you can discuss could paralyzed and decrying in. Island to do this meditation where Madden on a very stormy ocean. I'd imagine myself seeking through the ocean on myself to relax and water calmer and used color of the ocean change as the taste of self confidence. And noticed the rays of sunlight coming hand the further cut down to this handy for cup calm and tranquil and then. I would look up with stormy and was in the distance by then an artist has much calmer. This is a classic visualization meditation are you just made up which let you touched on. And you you came to something that people have been doing for millennia on your own which is very impressive from what was interesting is later I learned about trauma triggering I didn't even know about and tell idly. Thirties though even I never even heard the words could trigger and might trauma and and one of the methods they used to treat comment is to get your brain back online his force has seen. Forcing your brain to use different parts to process of sight smell color touch forces blood back in his other parts your brain so what I was. Instinctively doing and I meditations with matching the salt. The smell of the air. You know of the colors and I was forcing blood back to those parts of my brain to get my brain back online which is wild that intuitively I was able to do that ballet. Well my book never broken because I think we all have these internal resources for a willing to look inside of ourselves for answers instead of constantly outside of ourselves for answers. We Cuba's ingenious stuff and we're all capable of it it's nothing special about me. It's just that I sort of writing at such a young age I had developed a practice of going inward and looking inward for solutions. Did it it simply did you take formal meditation lessons or do you have you been just run and on this on this stuff that you kind of generator for yourself. A lot of it was what it generated from myself my aunt Stella there was a transcendental meditation teacher and she taught me transcendental meditation. And off on over the years which is just let me explain it infantry transcendental meditation where use of what's called a month per trust is a word you repeat your zone silently often nature is sanskrit word and he and just repeating that yourself silently in your head can. Stop the kind of obsessive nattering chattering mind. And it can be very common indeed I just jumping in to define the term yeah yeah this she taught me that. And detect meditation I do now island to cull paying attention because meditation is Edward a lot of people understand they have confrontations with. And it doesn't have to have. Theological confrontation. Are literally just politicking at brain break her and again if you wanna beat architect of your life in trying to be the driver that's behind the wheel of your life and you're deciding where Uga. You have to develop that relationship observers particularly to the static he had to get breed of believing every single thought that comes into your hat you have to cook that little bit of gap by being the observer of your thoughts and so a Montrae or what I do often is. When I meditate I just count on to one. It is an inhaled too is an exhale happy with the Brett has come on hand again this is an eight and actually giving a dog down after he tell you that change is gonna count to twenty and I'm an observed myself counting to twenty and you losing to Boston thoughts to come back to when I'm rethink your they can. Or you start and then I start over accomplish is to be observed and curious because that is a state of mind honestly being present. And for me start with my hands in the night was like it's completely everytime I walk upstairs and can be present when Philip stares into my feet. I'm pretty stern you wouldn't you learn to be mindful of her entire day and then Easter be able to cut those puppets strings the year conditioning. So any team. As an adjective to negative thought patterns and addicted to naked behaviors can bring this naturally addictive candidate addicted to positive behaviors. And I thought that it was and so I just started habitually forcing myself to do when I called my Canada pot insist on the modules have upon my website where. I would notice anxiety I would for statistical things thinking Michael sent brain is telling me. It was Tony some lie like let's say it's I don't know what I'm doing that's her to get panicky and how hangs eighty ago what's the truth. I know what I'm doing has actually don't but the truth is they can figure out I'm tenacious on a configured. Out so I would have an anxious feeling of attract the thought I was he with a light was meant brings holing neckties of the truth and has hit the whole body through thick and just be like. Tempe which was true it's that doesn't work and for me the truth was like incapable of learning humble learned more today. And that calmed my anxiety down and helped me be wire and then I got addicted to not talk and that started creating resilience that started creating a tenacious attitude. Which is a very much better thing to get addicted to them and if you've read doctor Jensen brewers work which I just came across recently in. He signed on as many scientific expert for my little humble and stay which I'm blown away by so he explains these little exercises and developed I was homeless on. From his standpoint of why they. Mark scientifically which was amazing. And me just say jet and a friend and and Jack is one of the premier there are scientists in the world. Booking at what meditation doesn't bring an expert in addiction not for nothing not a great book recently on the great mind. And as a previous guest on this broadcast and he. That that he signed on to what you're doing actually gets it I couldn't believe gives a lot of half via and I I just can't. Say throw enough that you came up with stuff. Out of great suffering a necessity at AG eighteen as a homeless kid and that is now actually like legit and and can be used. My regular people with some confidence that it. That you know doctor Jan Brewer says it's it's. You know not like some Chan Dockery a real guy piece of yell train dead now the University of Massachusetts center for my opponents ahead of research there and also great guy and so that that's just amazing to Meese who can't tell us a little bit about. Where we can find he's meditation as you're talking about a what they don't. So I believe it to be happy is a side effect people always want to and be happy but at the side effect have a lifestyle. And I believe the side effect of having harmony so Alec he's analogies I use the body is an analogy as such your life is a potty. You have to tone in every land if you only have tone in your career lamb. In your atrophied in your contingency plan after he apparently when you're actually peed in your physical on this your emotional fitness. You're gonna happen unbalanced. You're gonna comfortable you're going to be anxious when you're facing every other aspect of your life facility unity indigo books on them limb that Pastrana I'm just gonna be a workaholic. So for me and I had to be a balanced human and that and I had to get an education. And every other category of my life and type two years between records mention that labels should grand because those lake. It don't wanna look back on my life and coming artists from past hour I want my life to be my best work of art. I'm serious about that I was willing to walk the talk and take as many years it took to learn how to get a grip on other topics and to get tone on the other lands. So my concept is a bench that you. Hadn't called whole human Mora helped give people inspiration education and then equip them for being able to get home in the limbs that they feel more atrophied in their lives. But what they did this start with a very specific land sort of emotional fitness because they think learning to. Discipline our minds and curator at Potts is the gateway to being able to be mindful and every other vertical from parenting you know every other thing that we're gonna you know wariness that's avail. Right now it's on jewel never broken dot com and right now there's four modules about the gratitude practice on paying attention as the first one showing people how easy. It is to meditate or pay attention or take a brain break. And and I have with the three other modules and then Jensen has an article. Sort of on each one in the science of them and then. I going to out so you can see a very short video and then if you wanna a little bit more of training her since Patterson science behind it can't. CDC a you've got a lot on I hear your musician you've got out and movie come out I'm on the Hallmark Channel very soon which will talk about the second and now you're doing this stuff from my honest and of and hold and being all human. Do you see in part of your future. And and then and forgive me if you don't like this term but as moving into kind of like being a self help guru apart personal. Mental fitness trainer in some way. I don't even list them kindly and advocating for wisdom that's what abolished her to do music. And when I look at where culture is headed and what technology is doing to cause disconnection and it's and watch anxiety rises an epidemic. And I look at wearing and human just a moment with the mayoral that wants to be home more that wants to travel and tour lasts. My message hasn't changed but how want to deliver message has changed. I wanna be touring laughs and not as interested internal always do music to passion from you know keep doing it. But I want to be able to build this. And on this platform and not so I can on the road and be speaker and since help help grew I have no honestly desire to do that Turkish people out to elect to temper or an amazing people doctor can come pain. As a parent I can't recommend it highly enough hisses up from cults that the city parenting that I highly recommend. So I'm going to be building down working with companies to build a corporate culture of up to partner with south those. Building out culture because I believe is on Japan nor his companies can help solve social issues an added value to their entire year. Network. Employees because every employees to understand how to people he mentioned to show up to work batter. And if we can also offer that as tools to people's consumer base to the consumer base of any large company. And doing create networks like my hands have where they turned to look at each others are resource. We just making some impact hasn't changed. And your fans are talking one another their amazing idea and they called and so every day angels are always encourage them went to idolize me it makes you comfortable and I'll be knocked off the pedestal complaint which have no interest and on the tune inspired that you have to live the life with me I'm an attorney I'm exploring I'm gonna make mistakes not talked to about it then. I'm flawed so I always led with my flaws and I asked them to start answering each other's problems prosecuted to the whole community here ask each other for help to speak up about it think. Kate you of the chain away from the start talking. And so what they do now as a tenant friend and Michelle just lost replaced on partner and my fans that at the calendar and the grief of parents think along today watches. Nikos that with her that he now where she lived in cook for her and keep her company for that be the intense grieving phase in. Another and to mind her god who is even central fan went into surgery but only and sent him flowers and balloons until this whole room up and you know people are very willing to find family groups there based around values and I have hippies gays rednecks you know. Every kind of and you can't imagine under one roof because they have single interest which is living in authentic life for evidence that. And that's a tolerant highly diverse. Group. As Phillipston. I'm just curious getting back at you you've led up this interview with this really harrowing personal story in what is your relationship with your parents today. I get and I have a great relationship. I forgave him the day that I left when his fifteen forgiveness isn't something I think a lot of people understand fully. I think they think forgiveness means condone in behavior. It is it's not a gift you give somebody that hurt you it's a gift to give yourself that sets you tree and caring hatred around your heart how your heart is like burning on cost on to get rid of rafts ethnic why would you do that. And but it doesn't need a relationship back so. I didn't think I'd ever have a relationship with my dad again but he got sober and he said sari saris nice it's a great and amazing feeling end here doesn't need a relationship act. Changing behavior and earning a relationship back on this what might I did and it's extraordinary to be. Young man in your fifties. Who was abused as a child. To be awake and sober and say I didn't wanna be abusive parent and kept repeating the cycle I was raised by an Annie two in her Prius myself. And need to ask our children for forgiveness that's incredible thing my dad did and dairy product and to realities are now. Accidentally out mechanic discovered he's on the Chicago Alaska glass and here and it's a show about home setting unaware I was raised by area poignant. And orderly mount. I don't know my mom since 2003 she came back into my life I got a record deal only need to do the math on Allen. It didn't work out great name. To know the truth about her and tell about 2003. Kim have a team since then the true meaning that. Have to read the book tilling it took me about 350 pages to kind of describe the dynamic of that relationship. But. It was a difficult relationship and I didn't believe her. Love in the end he's this year or real and that was a really heartbreaking thing because you grieve the loss of the fantasy you had about the person. And they need to grieve the loss of accepting the person actually visas and losing a person. That's an incredibly heart it was incredibly hard and that's where when edged them mind and chatters with 33 years old realized there was only pro deep into debt. And had to read it after all the music. So at 333. The format pop album came out one of the biggest musical risks have taken was going pop music and undermine the mega taking a risk I want not to cased Gupta I now. And on. Him to read advocates. And gone. So it's fun. And spend that Latin. I relay is to win and it canceling a tour that was rickety broken Mike it would Levy really hurt everything had been told in my life was. Pretty much ally and I had start figuring out truth from fact from fiction what were my thought things. That I was told that weren't true. And again I turned to mine from us because they didn't cuts therapist I was talking to anybody about anything and how it happened to my life. And Lipton Mir and a public Connell. I remembered this Joseph Campbell allegory and from of the golden statue allegory Joseph Campbell is very east shortly it's golden statue warring village comes and that covered the statue and months that they don't know the value of the statue. They they don't steal the statue you. But it stays in Kingston and everybody in the village for generations forget to valuable statue until it rains one day and it's revealed the school. So I'm going to it's really difficult here in my life which nobody knew it went through and was about 33. And broke my mom is who I thought she was and had to reprogram my brain was a really dire situation I was in. At a Tamara remember that Allah grants account not broken soul isn't a teacup it is in the chair if it can't be shattered. I remained whole at all times exist perfectly at all times it is tough to do very loving archaeological dig back to my whole self. So that's what I started doing I started writing down additives that describe to me at times in my life clinic remember not being hurt. When I can remember what it felt like my body and I described that girl and I think that's my math that's who like actually hunt. And anything that isn't that isn't mean doesn't want him willing to get rid of it and that meant getting a couple of thoughts a lot how. It's a lot of behaviors. And acting in accordance to my values and so ready to on my values once again after some negative when I was younger actually. Going everyday and do stuff on it tonight and president of these values. These seven things unit that I live these values today and I didn't make amends and the next day I stroke and it's something still practicing doing with my. Five year old you know the other day heated some you know some behavior you know that federal stoic camera what was I was like you know like to think this forest and how do you not lost. Your compasses your values and so we started listing his values and if everything just rumors of my party's list it's really sweet you know and it helps me parent pleasing and say that is whenever and I and our values honesty did you feel that was honest. He now. It's it's a goats until it. Yet with a two year old and Omniture hers values include. Eating my French Fries and cats Matt. In our remaining moments here mindful of the the fact you have been scheduled today let's talk a little bit about you've got this movie that's airing Sunday night right. But tell me what it's called you ask me you told me earlier and then of course my breath excessive and I'd been unable to and that announced the nine your songs your stomach and rent a movie. It's for the homer from the east mystery and movies channels that the separate channel from homer channel. And it's called a fixer upper series and then airing Sunday. The second I believe April 2 coming up Sunday. It's a concrete evidence it's a series of nine movies this is the second movie you don't have to see the trust fund into his second one. And her super power is turned tuition which is why it took the oral. For somebody is building a mindless pop formed this character one student Paula Erica and she paid for it. And she's willing to say I'm never doing that again I will follow me instincts come Holler her daughter and so that's what she doesn't she's hoping currents and heavy debt a lot of acting prior to this got a lot. And then Ang Lee from. An early twenties. Got a lot of hype. Praise for that and thought I want to pursue two career simultaneously and Kelly looked at people that the gunman realized they went through serious about I divorces so. I decided not to pursue people at the same time and give myself time to again and and the whole human. I'm and I wanted to Mark Haines tomorrow rich despite his acting was public need to learn how to be a good person more than that these teen movies are released chief turning weeks they let me meet Nichols as a parent. To three weeks to get to be creative to learn something new challenge myself but still. Keep my son with me and still be home through leaks helped. That's great the athletic they're long days a few I didn't realize how on the days where I signed on yes you can do anything for three weeks afterward that he unit. In Victoria Canada looking on Vancouver Island. Well happen their futile it's very pretty. If for people who want to learn more about you wouldn't and and you check or your book just give us the full download of all the stuff you've got out there that we should go look for for a treat after having listened to. She where I have a book out it's called never broken my that it cannot and 2015 until ten paperback Creighton. And it tells him LA story mentality tally over came them I just and then in the back has sort of has 120. Vaccines that I. Developed to lift by. And then people send to actually have real specific exercises behind those twenty. Principles and I I did the girl based on access to sink didn't so that's what sort of need to create the jewel never broken dot com website to a never broken dot com. And that's the one Jetsons can to us and went. And you can find your music on apple music there's not a fire an annual record an uncle picking up the pieces went oh is that new it came out with and look okay again. I'm. Such a player does and talk it is yeah I'm a big fan of what you're denying anything your pieces of me the great articulating and making these sort of typical. You know large topics and very palpable and very understandable not to tremendous skill and editing on the pieces is beautiful month actually shared them with friends take and it helped them get a grip on. Heard an introduction to the so called on lower news and business of. Let's turn wouldn't infect people with the virus obscenities and cotton farmers ten. Lee was buried at reliant. Everybody needs different approach say it again really huge pleasure to meet you thank you very much attention or Clinton to re need you we have briefly Banja scenes have just recently. And best of luck with everything your don't think he'll likely to the anywhere thank you the hidden thanks for watching everybody will we back of another podcast. Very soon.
This transcript has been automatically generated and may not be 100% accurate.